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I mulled the question over. “No,” I finally admitted. “I am decidedly not okay.” Leaning my head back against the wall, I allowed my eyelids to drift shut once more.
“Tell me what I can do,” Willy urged.
I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed. I was past making decisions right now. I had just made the most important decision of my life, only to learn Gray didn’t want me to have been the one making it. So, no more. Not today.
“Do you want me to get you out of here?”
That got my attention. My eyes snapped open at the suggestion. “I-I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” Willy reasoned.
“Because...” I trailed off, unsure of how to answer him.
Willy crouched beside me, maintaining a careful distance from the tiles by balancing on the balls of his feet. A fleeting look of disdain at the tiles suggested that sitting on the floor of a public bathroom would be a step too far, even for me. In a gesture he knew soothed my anxiety, he began carding his fingers through my hair.
“Because you don’t want to leave, or because you think you’re not allowed to? Because those are very different reasons, sweetheart.”
“Would you judge me if I left him while he’s still in the hospital? You wouldn’t think I’m… selfish?” I whispered the last part, the word carrying the weight of the shame I felt.
“Oh, hun,” his expression softened. “You know that saying about putting on your own oxygen mask first? Firstly, you don’t owe Gray anything, you hear me? He made his choices a long time ago, and if he thinks poorly of you for putting yourself first when all is said and done, then that’s on him, babe.”
Willy carefully lifted my chin with a finger, urging me to meet with eyes. “Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t hash things out with him. I’ve been saying for years that you need to resolve your past with him, or you’ll be stuck in this limbo forever. But, I don’t think this is the way to do it. I think it’s something that needs to happen on your own terms.”
Gray’s hurtful words echoed in my head.
Never loved you, Princess.
That stupid fucking pet name he always used to call me.
“And what if I never want to come back?” I had to ask.
“Then, you won’t. Hell, I’ll even personally deliver the divorce papers if that’s what you decide you want,” Willy assured me.
God, he made it sound so simple.
The truth was, I wanted to stay. More than anything. But clearly Gray had different feelings about me being here. There was also the issue of my tour, and if I canceled it unexpectedly, I could expect a swarm of paparazzi surrounding the hospital before day’s end.
Could I really just leave? Should I leave? Gray was still in a precarious situation, but I guess that wasn’t my burden to bear anymore, as both Willy, and Gray himself, had pointed out. Remy would be there for him, as would Violet. I could ensure his medical bills were taken care of and arrange for a nurse to assist him for as long as necessary.
Maybe Willy was right. I’d clung to a nonexistent future for so long that I’d forgotten to live in the present. Perhaps this could be the turning point, the moment I finally prioritized myself.
“Take me home. But first, I need to speak to Remy.”
∞∞∞
The scowl on Remy’s face only reaffirmed I was making the right decision by leaving. After all, he knew Gray better than anyone, and if he was pissed at my presence, I knew Gray shared those views.
“Finished seeing him already?” Remy sneered. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at him. First, he didn’t want me here at all and now he was giving me shit for not seeing Gray for long enough?
“Watch your tone, buddy,” Willy growled from over my shoulder.
“It’s fine Willy,” I sighed, turning to face my friend. “Can you give us a minute? Find Carl and let him know we’re leaving?”
“Figures,” I caught Remy mutter under his breath.
“What is your problem? You wanted me gone and guess what?” I threw up my arms. “So does Gray! He lost his shit when he saw me and said he never really loved me. So yeah, I’m going to go before I let him break me again.” My voice cracked from my efforts to keep the tears at bay. I refused to cry in front of Remy.
Remy, to my surprise, looked shocked at my admission. “He said that?” Remy asked, brows furrowed.
