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My heart rate ticked up a notch...or ten. "What did you do, Jed?" I repeated.
Clack.
Shit. More involuntary tongue popping. Never a good sign. "I called in and I told them some of your dating...stories."
More like disasters wrapped in a train wreck topped off by a nice clusterfuck of tsunamis.
"Jedfire!" I exclaimed, bolting upright. "Why did you do that?"
"Don't worry, don't worry. I didn't use my last name or anything."
I let out an impassioned growl that caught both of us by surprise. "Cowbell Creek has got just one local radio station," I muttered through clenched teeth. It also had a population of fifty thousand…heads of cattle. When it came to actual human heads, the number was much lower, probably around five thousand.
"And"—I scrubbed my palm down the side of my face—"you didn't have to use your last name. You have a pretty memorable first name."
Yes, Cowbell Creek was one of those quintessential rural American towns where everyone knew everyone. Especially if your family owned the largest business in town and you were the co-firstborn heir to said family business...oh, and your first name happened to be something super common and totally unmemorable, like, say, I don't know…Jedfire.
Ignoring the rising irritation in my voice, Jed continued. "Wanna hear the good news, lil bro?"
"Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones came to Cowbell Creek and did a Men In Black memory take back so that no one in town will ever remember listening to the radio when you told everyone about my disastrous love life?"
A loud laugh bellowed out of my phone, filling my entire living room. "Better than even that. Although, you have just reminded me I'm long overdue for a Will Smith '90s playlist listen. He actually was a pretty decent rapper back in the day."
"Jedfire Burns!" I cried. "Focus, please. Tell me. What. Have. You. Done?"
He cleared his throat, and I could just imagine the shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face right now. "Your dating stories were so epically bad that I won you the goddamn giveaway."
Talk about a loaded sentence.
"Excuse me?"
"You, my man, are getting flown to Florida next Friday for an all-expenses paid weekend at a luxury, all-male resort where you might just, you know, find your own...happily ever after." His voice was soaked with pride at managing to work the name of the giveaway into his little spiel.
My feet fell to the floor, landing with a heavy thud. As was so often the case with my brother, there was a lot to take in. I didn't even know where to begin.
On the one hand, he had called up a radio station and blabbed to the whole town about how epically tragic my love life was.
On the other hand, everyone in Cowbell Creek already knew that. Word traveled fast around here, and even though people could be nosey and a little too in your business for my liking at times, I also knew that they were good-natured folk who looked out for one another and only wanted the best for me.
And on the other hand—yes, I was channeling an imaginary three-armed creature here—being a loser at love had apparently just won me a radio giveaway.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad?
Who knew? What if I went down to Florida and actually did chase—and catch—my happily ever after?
I fought back against the tiny glimmer of hope percolating in my chest. "I'm still going to strangle you the next time I see you."
Jed barked out a laugh. "Or you could just make me the best man at your wedding. As long as you're happy, little bro. That's all I want for you. Anyways, it's getting late, and I gotta go...for a walk."
I let out a light sigh. Jedfire and his mysterious midnight walks. I'd asked him about it a million times, only to be met with a million evasive responses on every single occasion. I was too tired to ask for the millionth and one time.
Besides, I'd already missed out on way too much of House and Hoarders and was keen to get back to it. Would Molly be able to overcome her hoarding addiction, which was really just a coping mechanism for having an emotionally distant father, and would her quote-unquote loving and supportive husband stick around to support her? I didn’t know...but I needed to find out.
"Enjoy Florida next week. And make sure you think of me when you're getting the best dicking of your life."
"I can assure you that you are and will always be, the last thing on my mind during sex."
He let out a chuckle. "Have a good time, anyway. I'll email you all the details. I love you, Mitchell."
