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“Is he coming back?”
“Of course, baby. But I don’t know when. He’s super busy with the new team and moving back from Boston.”
“He didn’t say when?” Sadie pouts, and I feel badly that our argument last night ended with Cillian walking out the door with no clear plan ahead. It was irresponsible of me when I know what meeting him means to Sadie.
She keeps his picture in her room, and though it’s not often she asks questions about him, she has been known to. I’ve never lied to her about him, and thankfully, she’s never asked directly why he wasn’t around. But she cherishes his picture, as if knowing she has a hockey playing father out in the world is enough to keep her happy.
It will all be different now.
“No, Sadie, he didn’t. You know we’ll see him tomorrow though; he’ll be at the Blades draft announcement.”
“Oh yeah! With Pops.”
“It’s an exciting day, yeah?”
“I know that’s right,” she says and sprints off to her room. I’m not sure where she picked up the saying, but she says it all the time right now. Her habits change like the weather though, in a few days she’ll be on to something new.
My phone chimes on the kitchen counter. I’ve avoided the room altogether today, since every time I step into it, I reminisce Cillian invading my space with his stupidly big body. It makes my blood boil how he threatened me with lawyers. He’s angry, I understand why, but I’m not handing Sadie over to him when they met for a whole five-ass minutes.
He’s fucking delusional if he thinks that. He’s also delusional thinking he can kiss me that way. I know where he’s been, and that knowledge induces vomit to stir in my system.
Ty:
Hey, Freckles. I’m headed your way.
Me:
You coming to visit?
Ty:
Yeah, promo shit. Be there for the weekend. Dinner Saturday?
Me:
Yes. Please and thank you.
Ty:
Pick you up at seven. Maybe brunch on Sunday so I can see Squirt?
Me:
That would be great. Thanks, Ty.
Tyson and I aren’t in a relationship anymore, but our break was amicable. He’s one of the very few people that know of my situation with Cillian. Not that it was something I was upfront about. There’s always been a weird sense of betrayal that niggles at the back of my skull when the subject of Sadie’s father comes up.
Even though he betrayed me first, it felt wrong to talk about it all with people who know Cillian, when he and I never had a proper conversation about it. Ty’s been around long enough, in one way or another, to remember the days that Cillian and I were together. He put the pieces together himself and never asked me to clarify. Though I eventually did tell him why I broke things off with Cillian.
Since he knows my past, he understood that I feared a repeat when he was called up to the NFL. Still, he never fails to get a hold of me when he’s in town. Dinner, and sometimes sex, is something we do as often as we can. No strings. No drama. No expectations.
We have a wonderful friends-with-benefits arrangement. On top of that, he likes Sadie. If you don’t put my child first, you don’t get to be a part of my life.
“Hey, Sadie,” I call to her from our bedroom door. She’s taken each of her stuffed animals off the bed and is meticulously placing them back in new order. “Ty will be here this weekend. Do you want to have breakfast with him on Sunday?”
“After Gram’s night?” she asks, and I nod. “Yes, please.”
She pokes her tongue out of the corner of her mouth, contemplating where she placed her purple panda. Sadie must not approve of the placement, because she snatches it back up and drops it to the floor, replacing it with a giraffe. This is a pattern for her, and I’ve come to recognize that she does it when she’s trying to process something.
