AllFreeNovel
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“That’s something we should take slow,” I say. My voice shakes the slightest bit. My biggest fear for years has been that he’d waltz back into our lives and try to take her from me.
“I don’t want slow, Isla. I want every spare moment until I know everything there is to know about my daughter. That’s fair of me to ask.” His fist clenches atop his knee.
“Fair? Nothing about us is fair. Fair would have been you not falling for another woman as soon as you left Seattle.”
“It wasn’t as soon as I left. And I didn’t fall for her,” he argues, standing back up to pace the patch of carpet in front of me. “Fair would have been you telling me I was going to have a child as soon as you knew.”
“I did,” I grit out. “But you were too wrapped up in her to spare me the time.”
“I’m pretty sure I’d fucking remember that, Isla,” he says, rubbing a hand down his face. “Let’s take a step back. I can apologize until my death bed, and you still wouldn’t forgive me. But this is about Sadie and what’s best for her. Can we focus on that? On her?”
“What exactly are you asking for?”
“Equal time. We’ll need to work around my schedule, of course, but Mom would love time with her, too. She could take her on my nights if I’m out of town.”
“Equal?” He’s kidding. He must be kidding.
“Yeah. Three nights every other week. Four on the other weeks.”
“You’re joking,” I say, shakily. “If she keeps her nights with my mom, which she loves, that will leave me with just two nights every other week.”
For as hard as I fight it, the panic starts to rise. My vision blurs and it gets increasingly harder to breathe. He doesn’t get to take her away from me. She’s my life, my heart. My whole reason for being. He doesn’t get to take her away and raise her with fucking Trina.
He doesn’t get to teach her to be a horrible person who is duplicitous and without loyalty. She’s a good girl and she’s staying that way.
They can’t have her.
They don’t get to have her.
“Isla.”
“You don’t get to take her,” I squeak out between labored breathing. “Trina doesn’t get to take her away from me, too.”
“Isla.”
“I won’t let it… I won’t let it happen, again.”
“Isla! Fucking breathe. Right now!” His hands grip my head and hold it mere inches from his. “Breathe.”
I hiccup and gasp into the horrified expression he wears as he looks on helplessly. His fingers rub my temples back and forth. Focusing on the small movements, comforting, despite who the fingers belong to.
“Breathe with me,” he says. I concentrate on the rise and fall of my chest, matching the rhythm to the pace of his thumbs. “What’s happening?”
“Panic attack,” I rasp.
“Since when do you have those?”
“You’re not taking her away from me,” I say, a little stronger now. A little less manic. Completely ignoring his question and letting my rage take over my fear.
“I’m not trying to take her away from you. I’m trying to share her.”
“Like you wanted me to share you with Trina? Where it was all weighted to your favor and I was left with scraps? Like that?”
Cillian curses while rising back to his feet, then moves to the far side of the room.
“Fuck, Isla. I’m sorry. How many times do you want me to say it?”
“Considering that’s the first time you’ve ever said it, try it a few more times and we’ll see if it’s enough!” I rise, too. Unable to stay seated now that my temper is in full swing.
