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We watch the game as we eat and it’s Willa who gives commentary and hockey lessons to Damian. She also points out player weaknesses to me, in case I’ve missed them. And some I have. Isla once told me that it’s easier for her to see things because she doesn’t have to focus on being a player in the game, so maybe it’s the same for Willa. Both know their shit, even if Willa has always been quieter about it.
“Offsides. Right,” Damian asks.
“Good call, rookie,” Willa praises him. When a whistle sounds, she stands and grab our plates, taking them to the kitchen. We both follow her with our eyes.
“Did you have a good day?”
“We did,” Damian says. “Hung out here all day, cuddled up on the couch, watching television.”
“You’re really that comfortable with her, aren’t you,” I ask.
“She settles me. I can’t explain it,” Damian says, a touch of awe in his voice.
“No need to, it’s just her. She has that effect on people,” I tell him. “I have a gala coming up. I thought I’d ask her to go with me.”
Here’s where things get sticky, because I can’t publicly date Damian, or even Damian and Willa. No matter how much that appeals to me. If all my public appearances are with her, how will that make him feel? It’s not fair, it’s not right. Maybe if I was at the end of my career, I could make a bold statement. But at the beginning? No. I have no prospects outside of hockey, this is it for me.
“Get out of your head, Alexander. I understand,” Damian interrupts my intrusive thoughts.
“How do you always know when I’m overthinking?”
“Because you get a little furrow right here,” Willa says, touching my forehead when she walks back into the room. “And you rub the back of your neck. What’s going on?”
“The team is expected to attend a charity gala next week, and I thought I’d ask you to go with me.”
“Oh. Let’s talk about that, then.” She comes to sit between us again. “How do you feel about the big guy taking me?”
“I give him taking you to public events my full support,” Damian answers, he leans back raising his arms behind his head.
“There wouldn’t be any hard feelings?” Willa asks him.
“None at all. I can’t fill that position in Alexander’s life, so I’d be happy if you can,” he answers. “I’m not a jealous person. I’m certainly not a selfish one. Your careers are important to you, therefore they’re important to me. The suit shopping incident taught me a lot about how the league works. I’m perfectly content being a background player.”
“You aren’t a background player in my life, though, Damian. You’ve been the star player for a while now.” I know as soon as the words are out, that it may not have been the best choice of words. “That doesn’t mean you aren’t important too, Willa.”
“Stop right there, Zan,” she says, holding up a hand. “You two have established a relationship that I’m only just stepping into. Understandably, Damian would be your biggest concern here.”
I stand and pace the room because that’s not right either. Frustration weighs me down like a brick. I don’t know how to navigate this.
“That isn’t what I’m trying to say. You aren’t less of a concern,” I tell her. “How can this work if I can’t even get through twenty-four hours without making it more complicated?”
Willa flops down on the couch, putting her head in the spot I just vacated. Her soft curls fall over the edge and tickle the rug.
“You’re obsessed with Damian, I’m obsessed with you, he’s obsessed with me. What’s so complicated about that?”
Is she serious? That’s how she sees us? She’s not wrong, but I am also obsessed with her. And Damian is obsessed with me, right? When I look at him to ask the question, he appears amused. She must be teasing me and I’m just the bone head that walked right into it.
“Do you think I’m not obsessed with you,” I finally ask her.
“I don’t know, but I’m not sure how you could be. You and I weren’t pen pals or anything while you were in California. But you and Damian were,” she says it so easily, as if it doesn’t bother her at all. But how can it not? It bothers me that she feels this way.
“That’s because I knew starting something with you would lead to more and I wasn’t willing to tempt you away from your life here.”
“Oh God. Now you sound like Cillian. Remember he had similar thoughts and it led to the worst five years of his life,” she says, sitting back up now. “This isn’t a romance novel, Zan. We don’t need years of miscommunication and misunderstanding. From here on out, we communicate with nothing but openness and honesty. Deal?”
“Deal,” Damian says.
“You know that goes both ways, right? You’ve been just as quiet about your feelings toward me, as I have toward you.”
