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“Well, alright then.”
“Fine.”
“Good,” I replied, nodding. “Glad that’s settled.”
She shrugged. “You’re still a huge whore, but whatever.”
“Really, Aoife ?” Fresh out of patience, I flicked my attention from the windscreen to her. “You want to get salty with me over something I can’t change?”
“Nope,” she replied all snippy, with her nose in the air. “Just stating facts.”
“You’re absolutely right, I do have a past,” I agreed, pissed off. “One that doesn’t include you. One where, yes, I did have sex with other girls. One where I’ve made some questionable decisions. I am no fucking angel. I’ve never pretended to be.”
“But was it her?” she asked, chewing on her lip, when we pulled onto Elk’s Terrace. “Danielle? Was she your first?”
I didn’t want to answer these questions.
“Tell me, Joe.”
“No good can come from this conversation.”
“Please.”
“Yeah, she was my first,” I reluctantly admitted as I pulled onto my street and parked outside my house. “I was young and thick, and desperate for a bit of affection.” Killing the engine, I turned in my seat to look at her. “It meant nothing, and I remember even less about it.”
“So, she had you first.”
“Aoife.” I blew out a weary breath. “I can’t change my past.”
“Who else?” she asked. “How many others?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m not doing this.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to,” I snarled, losing my cool. “Because I don’t fucking remember. In case you forgot, I’ve spent most of secondary school off my goddamn head. So, I can’t give you a number, Molloy, and I can’t give you names because I don’t fucking remember.” I blew out a harsh breath before adding, “I’m sorry about that, okay? I know that this must be a fucking horrible thing for you to have to hear, because if the shoe was on the other foot, and you were the one saying all of this to me, then it would shred me.” I shook my head, feeling at a loss. “But it’s the truth.”
“You were right, Joe.” Flinching, she exhaled a shaky breath and clutched her stomach, looking physically sick. “No good can come from a conversation like this.”
“It’s only been you,” I heard myself tell her, even though I knew that no amount of damage control could repair tonight. “Since we’ve been together? Since the day you put your lips on mine? It’s only been you, Aoife .”
“Yeah, but you’ve been off your head for most of our relationship.” I watched as a tear trickled down her cheek. “And if you can’t remember the girls that you were with before me, then how can you be sure—”
“Because I am. Because I know.” Reaching across the car, I grabbed her hand in mine, flinching when I felt the tremor rolling through her. “Because I’m sure about you.”
“And I’m sure about you,” she strangled out. “But I’ve spent most of my life watching my mother forgive my father for countless affairs.” She shook her head when she said, “I won’t be that kind of person. I won’t become her. It’s a hard limit for me.”
“And you think I’d do that to you?” I demanded. “You think I’d risk our future for a cheap fuck?”
“No,” she admitted, sounding pained. “It’s just…”
“Listen to me.” Leaning in close, I tucked her hair behind her ear and said, “I’m not Tony, and you’re not Trish, okay? I would never do that to you,” I promised as I cupped the side of her face with my hand and resisted the urge to shake this sudden onslaught of irrational fear and neediness out of her. “Do ya hear me? I would never cheat on you.”
She reached up and covered my hand with hers as her green eyes searched mine for a reassurance that she’d never needed from me before.
“Because, you see this face?” Leaning in close, I rested my brow against hers and stroked her nose with mine. “Your face right here is the only face I’ve been seeing since I was twelve. Because no matter how off my head I’ve been over the years, no matter how far from reality I’ve let my mind wander, I have never lost sight of this face.”
Shivering, she exhaled a shaky breath and grabbed my face between her hands. “Really?”
