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“A two-bed?”
“Yeah.” I chuckled. “Somewhere for my sister and the boys to hide out. Otherwise, they’ll end up emotionally scarred from all of the wild sex we’ll be having.”
“Okay.” She laughed. “So, we’re adopting your siblings now, are we?”
“What can I say?” I grinned. “It’s a matter of buy one and get four free.”
“Maybe we should just permanently evict your parents and keep the house,” she joked. “We’d save a fortune in subsidized rent from the council.”
“Don’t tempt me,” I groaned, reluctantly smiling. “So, now that we’ve established a future with me consists of slumming it up in a flat in Ballylaggin and becoming parents at eighteen….”
Her eyes widened. “Parents?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Buy me and get four kids free, remember?”
“Your siblings.”
“Who else?”
“Right.” She laughed. “Good one.”
“So, any cold feet?” I mused, tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear. “Any changes you want to make to our future plans, or are we all set?”
“No cold feet,” she replied, burying her face in my neck as she hugged me tightly. “I want that future with you.”
38
Be Here with Me
AOIFE
Joey said all the right things, made all the right moves, and I found myself, once again, snared to his mattress, with his big body on top of mine.
With our clothes cast aside on his bedroom floor and our lips a crazed frenzy against the other’s, he moved between my thighs, burying himself deep inside of my body, filling me to the point of pain, and shattering any hope I had of ever surviving a life without him in it.
His family was falling apart around him, and instead of me supporting him, he was supporting me.
Genuinely feeling like I was losing my mind one hormonal imbalance at a time, I clung to his shoulders, my fingertips digging into his skin, as he built up a rhythm with his hips that directly aligned with the glorious heat building up inside of me. Pulling up on his knees, he grabbed my hips and moved faster as each thrust of his hips became more intense—more feverish.
Even now, as my body reveled in the wonderous feelings he could evoke from me, all I felt like doing was bursting into tears, consumed by emotions, by my fear of the future. All I wanted him to do was hold on to me and never let go, because the unsteadiness of my life, as I balanced precariously close to the edge of the precipice that was parenthood, was terrifying me.
“You good, queen?” His words were a breathless pant as his chest landed heavily on mine, and he hitched my thigh around his hip, deepening the angle. “You still with me?”
“Yeah.” Nodding vigorously, I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him deeply. “I’m with you, stud.”
“I love you.” His lips were back on mine, his tongue in my mouth as he fused his body with mine.
“I love you,” I cried out between kisses as my body burned in pleasure and my heart seized with dread.
He loved me now, but would he love me tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, once the truth came out? When he realized that I had taken his future from him? The one he spoke about earlier?
It would never happen for us now.
Whether he tried to mask it or not, his resentment would be undisguisable. His entire life was one long sequence of shouldering heavy responsibilities, and birth control had been one of the few things I could take care of for him.
It was a responsibility that I had gladly taken on my shoulders, empowered by the level of trust it had taken him to relinquish that control. I was the one who vetoed a condom our first time, too caught up in my feelings to think about the consequences.
He was the one who suggested we use both the second time—and the third time, and the fourth, fifth, and sixth. I was the one who had naively assured him that we were protected every time it came up. The pattern we had since fallen into had been built on the foundations of his ability to trust my ability to protect us from the very thing we were now facing.
