AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Joe.” Her voice cracked and she bowed her head, shoulders shaking violently as she burst into tears. “I was so scared.”
“I’m sorry,” I strangled out, closing the space between us. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” Sinking down on my knees beside her, I placed my hands on her hips, and then recoiled in horror when she flinched from my touch.
Mine.
“Jesus, I’m sorry,” I told her again, beyond torn apart by it all. “Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this for you and I’ll do it.”
I leaned back on my heels to give her space, but she scrambled closer and gripped ahold of my arm.
Taking that as my green light to come closer, I placed my hands on her hips.
This time, she didn’t flinch.
“I never should have left you there,” I said hoarsely. “I didn’t protect you, and I’m so fucking sorry for that.”
“You’re not supposed to have to protect me like that,” she cried. “You’re not supposed to have to worry about that happening. Fathers aren’t supposed to do the things your father does, Joe.”
I knew that.
Of course I fucking knew that.
“I’m not him,” I choked out, needing her to hear me, to fucking believe me. “I’m not, Aoife, I swear.” Reaching up to cup her face between my hands, I pulled her head close to mine and whispered, “I am nothing like that man.”
“I know you’re nothing like him,” she cried, leaning close to rest her brow to mine. “But I’m nothing like you, Joe.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I can’t brush something like this under the table the way you can.”
“I’m not asking you to,” I hurried to say. “I’m not. I’ll take you to the station myself, Aoife. I won’t cover for him anymore, I swear to you, and I will never ask you to do that.”
“That’s not what I mean,” she whispered. “I meant it when I said that I didn’t want to report it.” Sniffling, she added, “It’s not like he actually did anything. I mean, what did he really do aside from push my pants down and pull my hair—”
“Only because I walked in on time! Don’t play it down. Don’t give that prick an out for what he did to you,” I snarled, trembling with anger as my mind tormented me with flashing images of what I’d walked in on. “He did enough, Aoife. Looking in your direction was too fucking much.”
“That’s still not what I meant, though.”
“Then what?” I shrugged, at a loss. “What did you mean?”
“How you live? What you live with? I thought I knew about it. I thought I understood, but I don’t, Joe. I never had a clue,” she admitted hoarsely. “I don’t come from a home like yours. I’ve never had to be afraid like that.” Sniffling, she cupped my face between her hands and exhaled a broken sob. “Tonight, I felt a kind of fear that I never want to experience again.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I couldn’t change where I came from or how it had morphed me into who I was. “What do you want me to say here?”
“I’m just…” Shaking her head, she expelled another ragged breath before saying, “I’m seeing a lot of red flags shooting up around us now. Ones I never used to see before tonight, but can’t get out of my head ever since.”
Struck fucking dumb, I just stared at her, unable to read the signs or hear the meaning of whatever the fuck she was trying to tell me. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that your life scares me, and maybe you were right when you told me that you were a bad idea for me.”
Her words hit me like a slap across the face and I physically recoiled, feeling like she had cut me open and left me to hemorrhage at her feet. “Do you really mean that?”
“No? Maybe?” Sniffling, she shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know what I mean anymore.”
“Okay.” Cold to the bone, I stared at her for the longest moment before shaking my head. “Okay, I should leave.”
“What? No, no, don’t go!” Sinking onto my lap, she threw her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. “Don’t leave me!”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I admitted hoarsely as wave upon wave of devastation continued to crash over me, fucking drowning me. “I don’t know what to do here, Aoife, because you’re telling me to go with your words and to stay with your actions.”
