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“Well, I’ve spoken to your brother, and he gave me his word that he’ll keep quiet until you’re ready to tell people.”
“You believe him?”
“You don’t?”
“I don’t know.” I exhaled a weary sigh. “He was pretty savage down there.”
“Your brother was being a little shit.” Walking over to my bed, Mam sat down on the edge and reached for my hand. “Don’t you mind a word of what he said, Aoife. Not one word of it should be taken to heart.”
“I didn’t know he hated me so much, Mam,” I confessed, feeling teary again as my brain rehashed every horrible word my brother had uttered. “I get that he’s upset about the baby, but what he said to me? There was serious hatred in his voice.”
“That wasn’t hatred you heard, Aoife. That was jealousy,” Mam corrected with a sad sigh. “And trust me, that has much more to do with your father than it has to do with you.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Dad?”
“Your father and brother don’t have a connection. They never have. There’s love between them, sure, but there’s no common ground.”
“How does that have anything to do with me having a baby?”
“Because in your brother’s mind, the boy you’re having a baby with is the same boy that bears the biggest threat to his relationship with your father.”
“Joey?”
“Joey.” She offered me a sad smile before continuing, “Can you imagine what it must have felt like these past six years for Kev? Watching your father develop and nurture a bond with a boy from his class, while barely acknowledging his own son’s achievements?”
“Okay, but how is that Joey’s fault?”
“It’s not Joey’s fault,” Mam replied gently. “And it’s not your fault, either. It’s Dad’s fault for not making a better effort with your brother over the years.”
“Mam, I know that Kev’s your pet, but you can’t blame his outburst on ‘daddy issues,’” I argued. I’ve seen daddy issues in the flesh, and that’s not what’s happening with my brother. “Trust me, we have a good father.”
“You’re right, he is a good father,” Mam agreed. “But you have to acknowledge the lack of harmony in their relationship.”
“So, Dad likes cars and Kev likes computers. Dad’s an easygoing man’s man, and Kev’s an introverted millennial,” I forced myself to concede. “They’re not compatible. Big deal. Neither are we, but you don’t see me acting like that, because I know that you still love me, just like Dad still loves Kev.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You don’t think we’re compatible?”
“Honestly?”
She nodded.
“No, Mam, I don’t.” I picked a piece of fluff on my pillow and shrugged. “Kev’s always been your golden child, while I’ve always been too much of, well, me for you to handle.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is.” I smiled ruefully. “To be honest, I think we’ve spoken more in the last week than we have in the last three years, and that’s probably only because we finally have something in common now.”
Pain encompassed my mother’s face and I felt like crap for putting it there.
“That’s not to say that I don’t feel loved,” I hurried to add, reaching for her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Just that I know what it’s like to feel out of sync with a parent, but still feel supported and cared for. I mean, I don’t resent you or anything like that. I don’t harbor any ill will or have any mommy issues.”
“I’m so sorry,” Mam whispered, looking truly horrified. “I never realized that you felt this way.”
“Mam.” I rolled my eyes. “Get a handle on yourself, will ya? It’s not that deep.”
“I don’t favor your brother,” she blurted out. “I don’t. I swear. I love you both the same.”
“I know that,” I told her, and I did. “And I also know that it’s okay that you get along better with Kev. That’s got nothing to do with love, Mam. That’s just a matter of Kev’s personality suiting yours better than mine, and that’s cool with me. I’m good with it, Mam. Honestly.”
