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“Like my heart was beaten to a pulp and is lying on a trolley in the A&E.”
“Oh, love.”
“I hate his parents, Mam.” Feeling my eyes burn with tears, I dropped my head in my hands and bit back a roar. “I hate those fucking monsters.”
“Oh, love, I know you’re upset.” She closed the space between us and placed a hand on my shoulder. “But you need to stay calm and look after yourself. You’ve a little baby growing in your belly. You can’t be getting worked up.”
“Worked up?” I choked out, voice cracking. “Mam, I’m fucking devastated.”
“I know.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her chest. “I know, Aoife love.”
“He’s my best friend,” I cried, twisting sideways in my seat to clutch her. “Forget the romantic side of things and all of the bullshit. He’s my closest friend on the entire planet and this is killing me.” Sniffling, I gripped her jumper and sagged against her. “You don’t understand how much it hurts. Watching him go through everything he goes through and feeling utterly useless.”
“You’re not useless, love,” Mam soothed, wrapping me up in her arms. “You’re a lifeline to that boy. A life jacket, if you will.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are,” she coaxed. “You’ve been keeping him afloat for years now.”
“But it’s not enough, Mam,” I cried hoarsely. “I can’t keep watching him suffer. I’m so afraid for him. You don’t understand. It’s paralyzing. I am so fucking scared for him that I can barely breathe. One of these days, he’s going to go under, and I won’t be able to pull him back.”
My phone rang loudly in my pocket. With a gasp I sprang away from my mother, snatched it out, and quickly clicked Accept as I put it to my ear. “Hello?”
“Hello, am I speaking to Aoife?”
“Yeah, that’s me.”
“Hi, Aoife, my name is Stephie Hubbard. I’m the nurse looking after Joey this evening.”
“Is he okay?” I demanded, feeling faint. “Did something happen?”
“He’s fine,” she was quick to assure me. “He was a little disorientated after his mother and brother visited, so I told him that I would call you. We have a bed for him on the main ward, but he’s insisting on discharging himself.”
“Are they still there? His mam and brother?”
“No, he was growing increasingly distressed, so I asked them to leave.”
“Good.” My heart thudded painfully in my chest. “Tell him that I’m on my way, okay? I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
“Oh, Aoife,” Mam sobbed when I ended the call. “I know you’re worried about Joey, we all are, but I’m worried about you, too. Can you go for a lie-down before you go back to the hospital? For the baby’s sake. I can pop up to the hospital to see him instead.”
“No.” Shaking my head, I stood up and schooled my features. “I’m going back to him.”
“Then I’ll have your father drive you,” Mam replied, sounding deflated. “You’re in no fit state to be driving into the city.”
______________________
“Do you have credit in your phone to call me for a spin home later?” Dad asked a little while later when he pulled into a parking space in the car park of the hospital. “Do you have a few bob in your purse in case you get hungry or want a cup of tea?”
“I have credit, Dad.” I unfasted my seatbelt and reached for the door. “And I don’t need money. I’m not hungry.”
“Aoife, wait.” Leaning across the seats, my father closed my car door. “Just sit and talk to me for a minute.”
“What’s to say, Dad?” I replied, numb.
“Are you alright?”
“No. I’m not alright,” I choked out. “How could I be alright when he’s…” A sob tore from my chest. “He could have died, Dad.”
