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If she knew me, really knew me, she would quickly change her opinion.
I pinched my temple, fucking aching from head to toe as I tried to clear my thoughts and focus on this woman. “Why?”
“Why what, love?”
“Nothing.” Fuck, I needed to stop letting her lure me into conversation and get out of there. “Doesn’t even matter.”
“I think it does.” Turning to face me, she gave me her full attention. It was a worrying fucking concept considering I didn’t know her. “Say what you were going to say, love. I’m listening.”
She was. That was the unsettling part. She was listening to me.
Fuck.
“I, uh…”
The kitchen door swung inward then, and my eyes landed on my sister and Kavanagh. The minute I looked at her face, I wanted to die.
I wanted to drown.
I wanted fucking out.
Jesus, the guilt was crippling me.
Feeling useless and unimportant, I willed myself to be a man and stand my ground, to not cower in shame because I’d let this happen to her.
I’d let her down again.
Again.
“Alright, Shan?” My voice was raw and thick with emotion I couldn’t seem to conceal. “How’s it going?” I forced myself to take it all in. Every bruise. Every broken fucking promise on my behalf to protect her. “You okay?”
“Hey, Joe.” Her blue eyes locked on mine, and I could feel the pain emanating from her. With a small smile, she nodded once and tightened her hold on the hand of the boy she was clinging to. And with that small, subtle move, she let me know that this was okay, and that we could trust these people.
She might, but I didn’t.
“Are you?”
“All good,” I managed to croak out, quickly breaking eye contact, feeling too much for the little girl I’d spent my life trying and failing to protect. “Kavanagh,” I acknowledged then, turning my attention to the lad she was welded to. “Thanks again.”
For holding on to her.
For looking after her when I couldn’t.
“Joey.” Steel-blue eyes landed on my face. “Anytime.”
I hoped he meant it. Because as much as I hated myself for thinking it, I knew in my heart that I didn’t have anything left to give her.
I was empty.
I was done.
85
Don’t Give Up on My Brother
AOIFE
“Julie, I swear to God, if you even think about bailing on me during the lunch rush, I will rain hell down on you,” I growled, eyeing the redheaded barmaid who was reaching for her cigarettes under the bar. “Hell, I tell you.”
