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“Mother. You’re keeping well?”
“What’s wrong with you?” Darren demanded, stalking toward me. “Why are you shaking?” When he put his hands on me, touching and probing my face, I had to use every ounce of self-control inside of my body to not react. “For fuck’s sake, Joey,” he boomed, coming to the same conclusion as Shannon before roughly shoving me out of his sight. “What the hell is the matter with you?”
Everything. I felt like laughing. Fucking everything, asshole.
“What’s wrong?” That was Mam.
Again, I felt like laughing manically.
Like she gave a fuck.
“What’s wrong?” Darren exclaimed. “What’s wrong is your son is back on drugs!”
“Is this true, Joey?”
Resisting the urge to laugh in their fucking faces, I made a sandwich and grabbed a drink from the fridge. “I’m not back on drugs.”
“Yeah, because you were never off them to begin with, were you?”
Fuck you, golden boy. “You’re all overreacting.”
“You’re high.” Darren narrowed his eyes. “Again.”
Whoop-de-fucking-doo. “And you’re an asshole,” I shot back. “Again.”
“What are you doing, Joey?” Mam decided to throw her two cents into the mix. “Why would you put that stuff in your body again?”
Had I entered the fucking twilight zone? At what point in time did she assume that I stopped? She knew the score. She goddamn knew it. This whole damn fiasco was a show put on for Darren’s benefit.
“You’re one to talk.” I laughed. “Drowning yourself in Prozac and Valium.”
“Prescribed to me by a doctor. Not the thugs from the terrace.”
“Okay, Mam.” I rolled my eyes and took a bite of my sandwich. “Whatever you say.”
“Is it Shane Holland?” she demanded. “Is he sniffing around again?”
“Jesus Christ, what do you care?” I snapped, having had just about enough of the bullshit interrogation. “Everyone get off my fucking back!”
“No, I won’t get off your back,” the golden boy himself interjected. “You’re back on drugs, you’ve been expelled from school, you’re off the hurling team, and you’re—” He stopped just short of saying about to become a father. I knew that was on the tip of his tongue. “You are ruining your life!”
“I don’t have a life!” I roared, losing my ever-loving shit with him. “I’ve never had a life!”
“Well, life or not, if you keep this up, you’re going to turn into him. You’re going to end up becoming the one thing you hate most in the world.”
“Shut up, Darren!” Shannon was quick to defend, as she rushed toward me. “Joey, shh, shh, it’s okay. Don’t listen to him, okay? It’s not true. You’re going to be okay.”
“Stop fucking saying that, Shannon. Nothing’s okay. Nothing!” I strangled out, feeling myself slip. Feeling the mask that I wore to shield my emotions fall away. “You know, I sat in that cell for hours, thinking how did this happen to me. How did I end up the way I am. All fucked up in the head. But then I called you.” My voice cracked and I forced myself to point at her. “I called you to come help me and you didn’t pick up. And then I knew.” Sniffling, I threw my hands up, feeling helpless and alone. “I said to myself, That’s why. That’s how I turned out like this.” Narrowing my eyes at the woman who gave me life, I spat out, “Because you broke me!”
“That’s not true,” Mam cried out, shaking her head. “Take it back.”
It was true. It was the truest thing that had ever come out of my mouth, dammit.
“You fucked my head up worse than he ever did. He used his fists, but you? You got in my head,” I admitted, on a roll now, as pain and poison spilled from my lips. “You broke my mind.” I slammed the heel of my hand against my temple, desperately trying to emphasize to this woman just how badly she had damaged me. “I don’t work right anymore, and it’s because your voice is stuck in my head! The sound of you crying and begging me to help you is all I can hear!”
“Joey—”
“Every time I close my eyes, you’re there. In my head. Crying for me. Begging me. Screaming, ‘Save me, Joey, save me!’”
