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He’s still here.
“Hey, stud,” I replied, using my shoulder to wipe a rogue tear from my cheek as I continued to cradle his face to my stomach. “I’m right here.”
“Am I dead?”
“No, baby, you’re not dead.” I tilted his face up so that I could look at him. “You’re safe, okay?”
Lonesome green eyes, so full of heartache and loss, stared up at me. “Is she dead?”
Sniffling back a sob, I cupped his tearstained face between my hands and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Yeah, baby, your mam didn’t make it.”
He didn’t react.
He didn’t stiffen or flinch or scream or cry.
Instead, he closed his eyes, settled his head back on my lap, and whispered, “I thought it was a nightmare.”
Shredded.
I felt shredded to the bone.
“I know you’re hurting, and I know you’re tired, baby,” I whispered, holding him as close to me as I physically could in this moment. “But I promise, if you just hold on a little while longer, it’ll get better.” I kissed him again. “You’re going to make it, Joe. I swear it.”
“Okay, Molloy.” Another tear trickled down his cheek. “Whatever you say.”
______________________
“I’m sorry.” His words were barely more than a broken whisper in the darkness as he lay on his side facing me.
His eyes, full of tears, were glazed over, and it felt like he was looking straight through me, but he was holding my hand. I could feel him coming back with every timid stroke of his thumb. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Sniffling back my emotion, I cleared my throat and rested my hand on his damp cheek, feeling his tears as they slowly trickled onto my skin. “You’re okay.”
The same two words fell from his lips again. “I’m sorry.”
“You’ve got this.” Shifting closer in the semidarkness, I placed my hand on his cheek and brushed my nose against his. “Ride or die.”
“The letter…did you read it?”
“Yeah, Joe, I read it.”
“I didn’t want to leave you,” he admitted and then a heart-wrenching sob tore from his chest. “I only wanted to protect you.”
“That’s my job, remember?” I joked through my tears. “I’m the one saving 6.”
“What if I can’t get better, Aoife?” he choked out, holding onto my body for dear life. “What if this is who I am?”
“Then you’ll still be stuck with me,” I told him. “Because I love you, stud. In all your shapes and forms.”
“I let them down.”
“Who?”
“The boys.” He shuddered. “Shannon.”
“No, baby, you didn’t let anyone down.”
“They hate me.”
