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“Okay,” I replied, feeling overwhelmed at the prospect. “I’ll think about it.”
131
Call My Girl
JOEY
“Fun fact of the day: I officially have udders.”
“Udders?”
“Yep. That’s right. I kid you not. Apparently, I produce milk now. By the braful.”
“You’re leaking?”
“Like a faulty tap.”
“Shit.”
“Oh yeah, and fair warning, I haven’t seen my vagina since June, so you know what that means, don’t you?”
“No, Molloy, I really don’t.”
“It means you’ll be returning to the Amazon rain forest of vaginas.”
“Jesus.”
“Yep. Oh, and I have brown nipples.”
“You’ve always had brown nipples.”
“No, you’ve always had brown nipples,” she argued. “I’ve always had rosy-pink ones.”
“Well, a change is as good as a rest.”
“Also, that spiel they give you about oiling your stomach to prevent stretch marks is complete bullshit. I’ve been oiling, Joe. Three times a day, and your spawn still managed to bend me out of shape like a Stretch Armstrong doll with varicose veins.” She sighed dramatically before adding, “I fear I may never wear my yellow bikini again.”
“Didn’t you buy that bikini when we were in second year?”
“So?”
“So, maybe it doesn’t matter if you can’t fit into a bikini that you wore when you were fourteen?”
“Ugh, I hate it when you’re so logical,” she grumbled. “I think I liked you better when you were off your head and telling me whatever I wanted to hear.”
I laughed down the line. “Molloy, you only ever hear what you want anyway, so that’s a moot point.”
“A moot point?” she teased down the line. “Get you, Mister Fancy Pants. Practicing all the big words for Tommen, huh?”
“Don’t,” I groaned, resting my head against the wall. “I’m not doing it, Aoife.”
“Oh yes you are,” she argued back. “Come next month, my baby daddy is going to be a thoroughbred private-school boy.” Bursting into a fit of snickering laughter, she added, “Blazer and all.”
“There is no fucking way that I am ever wearing a blazer to school,” I growled, repressing a shiver. “I would rather shit in my hands and clap.”
“Oh, smeared feces. How sexy.”
“Give it a rest, will ya?”
