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______________________
“Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the donkey,” Mam screeched when she returned to the room and found my long-lost love standing there. “Where in the name of Jesus did you come from?”
“The window,” Joey told my mother as he knelt in front of me and pulled the biggest granny knickers I owned up my thighs.
Oh, the indignity.
“When did you get back, Joey love?”
“Today. Came straight here, but Tony told me to go fuck myself.”
“Explains the window entrance.”
“Do you have a bag, Molloy?” he asked, reaching for a pair of fluffy socks and slipping them on my feet. “If the contractions are coming that close together, then we need to get a shove on.”
“Tony has her car. The bag is in the boot,” Mam answered for me. “He’s on a roadside call out—said he’d be another hour at the least before he gets back into town. And ah, well, I don’t want to worry anyone, but I’ve just been out to the van and we’ve a flat tire.”
“Is there a spare in the back?” I heard him ask. “I’ll run down and change it.”
“No.”
“What the fuck, Trish!”
“I know, love! I know!”
“Aw, crap,” I groaned, leaning heavily against Joey as another contraction ricocheted through my body. “It feels like I’m splitting down the middle.”
“You’re grand,” he was quick to soothe, reaching around to rub my back when a pained cry escaped me. “Just keep breathing. Nice and steady.”
“Joe,” I groaned, digging my chin into the crook of his neck when the pain threatened to rip me open. “I’m dying here.”
“Keep breathing,” he instructed, slipping a hand into his jeans pocket and withdrawing a mobile phone. “I can get us a spin to the hospital.”
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“Yeah, I’m going to need you to let me out of this car,” Gibsie announced, dry-heaving from the front seat as he drove like a maniac toward the city. “Like right fucking now!”
“You’re driving the bleeding car, ya bollox,” Johnny barked, looking equally as distressed in the passenger seat. Putting his head in his hands, he rocked his oversized body back and forth. “It’s grand, Gibs. It’s perfectly normal. We can get through this together.”
“All I wanted was a burger.”
“I know, Gibs.”
“And maybe a curry chips. Is that too much to ask for? And now, after what we’ve just witnessed, I’ll never eat again, Johnny.”
“Would you two shut the fuck up,” Joey snapped, flustered. “You’re scaring her.”
“She’s scaring me!” Gibsie accused, reaching across the console to grab Johnny’s hand.
“I know, lad,” Johnny choked out, clutching his hand. “Me too.”
“Stop panicking!” I screamed, lunging between the seats to clatter the pair of them. “You’re making it worse.”
“Calm down, boys,” my mother commanded from the other side of me. “This is all very natural.”
“There’s nothing natural about the noises coming out of your daughter,” Gibsie wailed, dodging a fist to the back of the head from Joey. “I want my mam.”
“When you approach the roundabout, take the third exit,” the sat nav in his car instructed in that mechanical robot voice. “And continue southbound.”
