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“Then don’t,” Gibsie replied after a long pause. “If she’s messing you up this bad when you hardly know her, then you’re better off walking away now, lad.”
“That’s the thing, lad… I don’t know if I can,” I admitted hoarsely. “You know what I’m like when I get something into my head. I lose the run of myself and go all in.”
“I sure do,” Gibsie chuckled. “You bulldoze. Everything and everyone that gets in your way.”
“Well, stop me!”
“Stop yourself,” Gibsie snorted. “Flex that famous self-control.” Grinning he added, “You’ve had plenty of it lately.”
“You don’t get it, Gibs. Last night almost killed me. I swear, I spent the entire night wide awake, staring at my keys and forcing myself to stay in my bed and not drive over there and bring her home with me,” I admitted glumly. “I don’t have an ounce of self-restraint when it comes to her—which is why I need your help.”
“So, what are you asking me to do here, Johnny?” he asked, smirking. “Are you saying you want me to cockblock you?”
“I’m saying that if you see me bulldozing over any lines, pull me back,” I bit out. “I don’t trust myself around her.”
“You do realize that the lines that exist between the two of you are the ones you’ve drawn in your head?”
“I can’t go there with her, Gibs, and I won’t.”
“You’re serious?”
I nodded. “She’s too fucking dangerous to me.”
“Because?”
“I just told you!” I snapped.
“No.” He shook his head slowly. “You basically just went around in circles there, lad.” Shrugging, he added, “I haven’t heard a decent argument against her yet.”
I didn’t answer him for three reasons. The first, he wouldn’t understand. Second, he wouldn’t believe me. Third, I wasn’t sure I believed me.
“So, you’re happy to just step back and watch McGarry or some other clown at school make a move?” Gibsie asked then. “You’re completely fine with that?”
The way my body automatically coiled tight with tension was enough of an answer.
“She’s a gorgeous girl, Johnny, with a lot of interest directed her way,” Gibsie stated calmly. “Can’t have it both ways, lad.” He shrugged. “You either want her or you don’t. You either go for it, or step back.”
“No,” I snarled, tensing. It was all I could say. Just plain no.
“And you’re sure you don’t want to try the whole girlfriend thing out with her?” he asked.
“It wouldn’t work,” I groaned. “Aside from the fact that I’m too old for her, and she probably doesn’t feel the same, I’m too busy and too unavailable to commit to anything even remotely resembling a relationship.”
“Says who?”
“You know what my life is like, Gibs.” I exhaled another heavy sigh. “You know why I’m unattached. It’s too much pressure and I can’t afford to lose focus. I don’t have a spare hour in the day, and once the summer comes, I’ll be out of here.” I shrugged helplessly. “How’s that fair on any girl?”
“True,” Gibsie mused. “But she’s clearly not just any girl.”
“Exactly,” I gritted out. “She’s too…more…too…better…important—” Breaking off, I rubbed a hand over my face. “It would never work,” I finally said, tone weary. “I would end up leaving, they would write a ton of shit in the papers and online like they always do while I’m gone, she would get paranoid, I would get pissed, she would end up getting hurt, and we would both end up completely fucking miserable.”
“Whoa,” Gibsie breathed. “You’ve thought about this a lot, haven’t you?”
Every minute of the day since I first laid eyes on her.
I nodded glumly.
“Then be her friend,” he offered.
