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“Not the talk,” she breathed. “Please tell me he didn’t give you the talk.”
“He did,” I strangled out. “And then he kept telling me that I didn’t need to be sorry and I think he meant it, but I’m just so embarrassed by it all. I swear, I will never put myself out there like that for anyone ever again.”
“Damn,” Claire sighed. “I wish I didn’t have that stupid blitz tomorrow. I don’t want you being alone at school while you’re feeling like this.”
“Me too,” I agreed glumly. “At least Lizzie will be there.”
“Maybe don’t mention this to Liz,” Claire interjected. “She’ll cut his dick right off.”
“No one can know about this, Claire,” I whispered. “No one.”
“Agreed.”
I clutched my stomach when another stabbing pain ricocheted through me, causing me to grunt once more in pain.
“Hey, maybe you should take tomorrow off,” she offered, sounding concerned. “You don’t sound too good.”
“I’ll be okay,” I whispered.
And I would be.
I hoped.
49I Fucked Up
JOHNNY
“Morning,” Gibsie acknowledged, sinking into the passenger seat of my car on Tuesday morning. “How’d training go yesterday?”
“I fucked up!” I blurted out.
“You fucked up?” Gibsie arched a brow as he buckled himself in. “In training?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I didn’t go.”
“Why not?”
“Because I fucked up!”
“How?”
“Fuck.” Groaning, I shifted into gear and pulled away from his house. “So fucking bad.” Tightening my hands on the wheel, I released a pained growl. “So fucking, fucking bad, Gibs.”
“Are you going to say anything other than the word fuck?” he drawled as he pulled a blank CD out of his schoolbag and slid it into my CD case. “By the way, I burned this for you last night,” he added with a smirk. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”
“Thanks,” I grumbled, too distracted to concentrate on anything other than my raging thoughts.
“Now,” Gibsie said, pulling out a box of cigarettes. He placed one between his lips and sparked up. “Are you going to tell me how you fucked up?”
“Roll the window down,” I grumbled. “You know I can’t stand the smell of those things.”
“I presume this meltdown has something to do with little Shannon?” he offered as he rolled the window down and exhaled a cloud of smoke out of it.
I nodded again, feeling panicky.
All night, I had been waiting to get this shit off my chest. I could hardly breathe with the pressure in my body—that, and my regrets, and the smell of her on my sheets.
I couldn’t even enjoy having dinner with my da, something that because of conflicting schedules, we hadn’t been able to do since New Year’s Day. All through dinner last night, I was too lost inside my own head.
