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“Da, there’s a girl,” I announced when the door clicked again.
“I know, Johnny,” Dad said calmly. “That was your nurse.”
“No, no, no,” I slurred, shaking my head. “There’s a girl, Da. A girl.”
“Where, son?”
“There’s a girl on the bus,” I slurred. “I need you to find her for me.”
“There’s no girl, pet,” Dad coaxed. “There’s no bus, either. You’re jacked up on morphine.”
“Oh, fuck,” I groaned. “Am I dying or something?”
“No, Johnny, love, you’re not dying.”
“Thank fuck,” I groaned. “’Cause I wanna see that girl again.”
“Okay, Johnny. Just relax, buddy.”
“No, no, no, Da. I’m serious,” I slurred. “I think I love that girl.”
“Well, who’s this girl?”
“She’s a river.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “I’m keeping her, Da.”
“Okay, son,” he coaxed. “You keep the girl.”
“She makes my heart go, like, whoa.”
“Is that right?” he mused.
“So bad, Da.” I sighed. “Boom, boom, fucking boom.” I shook my head. “All the time.”
“Is he awake?” My mother’s voice filled my ears, followed by another flash of light and the sound of another door clicking.
“He’s something alright.” Dad chuckled.
“Johnny, love, it’s Mam.”
“Ma,” I slurred, feeling her hand touch my cheek. “Don’t be pissed.”
“I’m beyond pissed,” she sobbed. “You could have died.”
“She crying, Da?” I slurred, slapping at something touching my nose. “It’s because I had sex.” Smirking, I added, “A lot of sex.” I laughed to myself but it sounded funny. “Just kidding, Ma…no pussy for me.”
“Edel, love, he’s high as a kite,” I heard my father say. “He won’t remember a word of this. Best wait to give him the talk until he comes around properly.”
“The talk,” I groaned loudly. “All the fucking talks.”
“Johnny, love—”
“Sex is a beautiful thing,” I slurred. “When it’s between two blah fucking blahs.”
Mam laughed. “So, you do listen to me.”
“Ma!” I exclaimed. “You know the girl!”
“What girl, love?”
