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I didn’t like it and I liked her even less for being the sole cause of my uncertainty. It didn’t make sense.
She was a tiny scrap of a girl—all limbs and bones. There were no curves on her, and I doubted she even wore a bra if I was being honest with myself.
See?
Too young.
Too fucking young.
But that didn’t stop me from searching for her in a crowd. And it didn’t stop me from looking when I found her.
The more I tried to block her out, the more I sought her out. Until I was seeking her out between every fucking class.
Sometimes, I found her watching me right back.
She always gave me this dazzled-in-the-headlights look before ducking her face.
I wasn’t sure what to make of any of it. I fully acknowledged that I was having an irrational reaction to the girl. It wasn’t normal.
Problem was, I couldn’t seem to get a handle on myself. I couldn’t turn my brain off.
Bella was another problem for me. She was sick of what she referred to as “being mugged off” and had texted me a couple of weeks ago to call time on our nonhookups.
I knew I should have felt something about that—I’d been sleeping with the girl for close to eight months—but all I felt was empty. There was no connection there and I was tired of feeling used.
It wasn’t like we met up for a chat or went to the cinema or anything like that.
She didn’t want that from me.
Not even when I offered.
Sure, there were no feelings involved, and I had never been interested in having a relationship with her, but after spending six out of eight months with my dick inside her, I wasn’t opposed to buying the girl dinner or taking her to a fucking movie.
I had offered on many occasions and she had declined every last one.
Because that wasn’t public enough. Because Bella only wanted me when I was on full view in the pub or at school, where she could show me off to all her friends like I was some prized fucking bull.
Bella had informed me via text message that she had moved on to Cormac Ryan from sixth year. I had half suspected something was going on between the two for a while now because he had been acting shady as fuck around me.
Cormac had gotten the call up from the Academy during the summer. He’d been to a few sessions with the youth and competed in several bouts of trials. So far, Cormac had been unsuccessful in earning a permanent placement contract and I wasn’t holding my breath for the guy.
That wasn’t me being a spiteful prick.
It was me stating facts.
He was a decent winger, but he needed to pull some serious magic out of the bag if he was to make it onto the main card with the club.
If he made it, good on him.
If he didn’t, I didn’t give a shite.
Cormac was in the year above me so we had never been friends, per se, but having played on the same team for the last five years, I had expected a little more loyalty.
And if Bella was looking to provoke a reaction out of me by screwing my teammate, she would be sorely disappointed because I would never give her the satisfaction.
Did it hurt?
Yes.
