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PROLOGUE
Don’t Take the Girl
CLAIRE
MAY 1995
The stench of smoke was in my nose, and I didn’t like it. Mammy said it was incense; the same stuff Father Murphy burned at mass on Sundays.
I didn’t like going to mass. The church felt stuffy, and old, and sad.
Worst of all, you didn’t get to talk for a whole hour.
An hour felt forever when you were five.
Somehow, the church was even worse today and it was Tuesday.
It was sadder.
Looking around at all the crying faces, I plucked at a loose thread on my cardigan and swung my legs back and forth, smiling to myself every time I kicked the back of the pew in front of me.
“Sit still, Claire,” Daddy instructed, placing a hand on my knee. “It’s almost over, pet.”
“It’s stinky,” I whispered back, pinching my nose. “I don’t like it, Daddy.”
“I know, pet,” he agreed, smoothing a hand over my curls. “Be a big girl for Daddy and stay nice and quiet for five more minutes.”
“Then can I play with Gerard?”
He didn’t answer me.
“Can I play with Gerard today, Daddy?” I repeated, pulling on the leg of his trouser suit. “Please? I miss him.”
“Maybe not today, pet,” he replied, and then he did what the other men were doing. He leaned forward and pushed his thumbs into his eyes to hide his tears.
“But how come?” I argued. “He’s right up there.” I pointed to the front of the church. “I can see him, Daddy.”
“No, Claire.”
“But—”
“Shh.”
I didn’t understand any of this.
Twisting sideways, I looked at my brother. He was crying, too. Mammy tucked him into her side as he cried against her shoulder.
“Hey, Hugh?” I whisper-hissed, covering my mouth with my hands. “Do you want to play with Gerard after mass?”
“Shh, Claire,” Mammy sniffled, using the tissue tucked inside her sleeve to wipe her face. “Not here.”
Not here?
What did that mean?
I couldn’t figure out what was happening, but I didn’t like it. I had a strange feeling in my tummy that got stronger every time I looked at the coffins. That’s what Hugh called the boxes near the altar.
There was a big brown one and a small white one. Hugh said that Gerard’s daddy, Joe, was in the big brown one and his sister, Bethany, was in the little white one.
