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“No way,” Hugh replied in a reassuring tone. “Mam loves Dad the right way.”
“Didn’t Sadhbh love Joe the right way?”
“At one time she did,” he replied with a shrug. “But I guess she stopped.”
“That’s super sad.”
“Quit saying the word ‘super’ all the time, Claire.”
“I like the word ‘super,’” I protested. “I can even spell it.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, yawning. “Okay, I think I have a plan.”
“You do?”
“Yep.” Nodding, my brother leaned over Gerard’s sleeping frame and reached for his hand. “I’ll hold his hand while you go to the toilet.”
“But what if he wakes up and gets another panic attack?”
“Then you better pee quickly,” my brother grumbled as he pried Gerard’s hands away from mine. “Now, Claire. Run fast.”
_______________
The sound of crying woke me up later that night. “Hugh?” Blinking awake, I looked around my brother’s room, feeling confused. “Is that you?”
“N-no, he’s s-still asleep.”
“Gerard?” My belly did the pancake flipping when I heard his voice, and I quickly flipped onto my side to look at him. “Hi.”
He was already lying on his side facing me, with my right hand clasped between both of his. “Hi.”
“Are you okay?”
Sniffling, he wiped his cheek against the pillow and slowly shook his head.
“Did you have a bad dream?”
He nodded once.
“About the boat?” I asked, resting my free hand on top of his. “About falling in the water?”
Another small nod.
“You’re safe now,” I tried to make him happy by saying. “Nice and warm and dry—and you’re back with me.”
He didn’t smile. Instead, he continued to stare at me, while big, fat teardrops trickled down his cheeks. “What am I going to do, Claire?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, shifting closer so that our feet were touching. I had cold toes. Gerard’s were always warm. Except for last Saturday. His and Hugh’s First Holy Communion Day. The day our daddies took our families out on that big boat to celebrate. That day, Gerard was blue and cold all over.
“Without my dad,” he whispered, covering my feet with his. He clenched his eyes shut before choking out, “And m-my s-sister.” Sniffling back another sob, he blew out a shaky breath. “I’m all alone now.”
“No, you’re not,” I whispered back, using my free hand to wipe a super big tear off my cheek. “You’ve got Sadhbh, and Keith, and Mark—”
“I hate him,” he interrupted with a sharp hiss.
“Who? Keith?”
He nodded stiffly. “And n-not just him.”
