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Was it someone else’s?
I couldn’t be sure anymore.
All I knew in this moment was that I wanted nothing more than to move, to run, to scream, but I couldn’t.
Call for help, dammit!
I can’t!
Nothing was working.
I couldn’t move a muscle.
Not so much as a fingertip.
I was paralyzed with fear.
Again.
Rendered helpless, I drenched the part of my mattress that my face was pressed into with my tears.
Pressure.
It was climbing up my throat.
Pushing me deeper into the mattress.
Silent tears followed by silent screams that couldn’t activate my vocal cords.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The heavy weight above me kept me locked in my personal eternal pit of terror.
Drowning.
Pressing my face into the mattress until I couldn’t breathe. Letting the water fill my lungs to the point of explosion.
Nostrils flaring.
It’s not real.
Arms flailing.
You’re not here.
Darkness seeping in.
It doesn’t hurt anymore.
The image of crushing waves shifted to the familiar view of my upstairs landing.
I’m drowning, Mam.
I could see the hue of light from her bedroom lamp shining from underneath the doorframe.
I’m going under again.
That horrific, familiar scorching pain seared through me, causing my body to thrash helplessly.
