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“Speaking of best sides,” Mam said. “Are you planning on showing me yours anytime soon?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you going to stay at home tonight?”
“Are they going to be coming back?”
“No, I already told you they’re gone up the country for a few days.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
She sagged in visible relief. “Good boy.”
“But the minute he’s back, I’m gone, Mam,” I warned her.
She sighed sadly. “Oh, Gerard.”
44
Kissing Boys in Cars
CLAIRE
I was quiet the entire drive to the cinema, while I listened to Jamie harp on about random hooligan attacks on parked cars at Tommen. Apparently, Jamie had been the victim of one such attack and, because of this, had resorted to driving his mother’s Fiesta while the engine of his own car was being worked on at Tony’s garage downtown.
I smiled politely and responded at all the right cues, but I would be a liar if I said I felt comfortable. In truth, I felt anything but. Seeing Gerard in my kitchen before we left for our date had thrown a spanner in midst of an already very bad idea. The look of betrayal in his gray eyes was undeniable, and I felt like such a damn fraud.
You are not a fraud.
You are doing the right thing.
Finally. After sixteen years of hanging on a limb, waiting for a boy who was never going to step forward for me, I was doing the right thing for myself and moving on.
If it’s so right, then why does it feel so wrong?
When we took our seats at the back of the cinema, I felt more than a little uncertain. I wasn’t used to sharing a couple’s seat with anyone other than Gerard.
Usually, we brought a blanket and everything and made ourselves comfortable. I’d spent some of my favorite Saturday afternoons right here in Screen 2 with the boy across the street, watching matinee movies that ranged from cartoons when we were younger to romance, thrillers, and even gory horror.
In a weird way, I felt like I was cheating on him somehow by being here with another boy. A boy that wasn’t him. It was a ridiculous way to feel, considering he’d been with lots of girls. But I couldn’t help how I felt. I couldn’t seem to trick my heart into believing this was a good idea, even though my brain was strongly encouraging me to be here with Jamie.
An anxious feeling tugged at my belly, but I pushed it down, needing to not let my heart talk me out of what my head knew was best.
Jamie had nice hair. It was dark and spiked and had the perfect amount of gel pushed through it. And he smelled really nice. I was a dinger for scents, and I could pick out his Hugo Boss cologne a mile off.
It was nice.
This was nice.
When he shifted in his seat during the movie and casually draped an arm over my shoulder, I felt a pang of panic gnaw at my gut, before swiftly shutting that down with a mental verbal warning. This is fine. This is what you wanted. You’re not doing anything wrong here, Claire. Just go with it.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Nodding, I smiled brightly up at him, trying to send the warmest, kindest vibes I could muster out into the atmosphere. This is good. It’s all good, and you’re on the right path. “You?”
“I’m really glad you decided to do this with me.” His arm tightened around my shoulder.
My heart fluttered uncertainly, and it almost felt like it was trying to break its way out of my chest and fly back home to him. “Yeah.” I smiled. “Me too.”
