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“That’s when she showed up.”
“She was clearly more into him than he was her.”
“But they were still together when we left.”
56
Graveside Visits
GIBSIE
With my arms clasped loosely around my knees, I sat facing the headstone that read Gibson in a large, bold font.
The damp grass was seeping into my school trousers, and a light drizzle of rain had set in, but I didn’t move a muscle. Instead, I continued to stare at their headstone, with her letter fisted in my hand and my heart on my sleeve.
“Dad, if you’re listening, I could really use your help,” I said, hoping that the wind could somehow get my message to the one person I needed to reach most in the universe. If that’s even where he existed now. Who the fuck knew for sure?
“Beth, this is guy talk, so close your ears,” I warned as I plucked at a blade of grass. “So, I finally kissed Claire. And she kissed me back, so I guess that means the joke’s on you and Pete for always teasing Mam and Sinead about us ending up together.” I smiled sadly at the memory. “Because I want to end up with her, Dad.” I sighed heavily. “I really love her, Dad, and I want to tell her, but I’m so fucking scared of her walking away from me.” I hung my head in shame. “I feel like I’m wrong on the inside.” A shudder racked through me. “Like I’m infected.”
Wishing like hell I had a cartoon baboon that could take me to the river to speak to my father one more time, I sniffed my emotions back and wiped a tear from my cheek. “I don’t want to live like this anymore, Dad.”
Because I was a wreck.
I couldn’t get my body, heart, or mind to comply and work together. The three most dominant parts of me were in raging wars against each other, all pulling me in three different directions.
Still, no matter the path I took, whether it was my body, heart, or mind in the driving seat, I always ended up at her door.
That had to mean something.
It had to be a sign.
“Am I going to be okay, Dad?” I asked, placing my palm on the stones covering his grave. “Am I ever going to get over it?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” a male voice came from behind me, and I craned my neck back to see Darren Lynch, armed with a bouquet of flowers.
“Aww.” I shoved my letter back into my pocket and feigned a swoon. “How did you know daisies are my favorite?”
“Always with the wisecracks.”
“We’ll be dead for long enough,” I replied, gesturing around us. “Might as well crack the jokes while we’re still aboveground.”
“That’s one way to look at it,” Darren agreed with a reluctant smile.
“So, what are you doing on my turf, Darren Lynch,” I mused, climbing to my feet. “Your mam’s buried on the other side of the graveyard.”
“Actually, I was bringing these to Caoimhe Young,” he explained, waving the bouquet around. “I always bring her a bunch when I’m visiting my mam.” He studied me for a brief moment before adding, “She was your babysitter, wasn’t she?”
“So?” I shrugged. “She was everyone’s babysitter.”
“Do you want to come with me to visit her?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”
“Because it’s only half past two in the afternoon and you’re sitting in a graveyard. Which means one of two things. Either you bunked off school on a whim and didn’t think through where you would go, or you have a strange and morbid fascination with graveyards.” He shrugged. “Either way, you clearly have some time on your hands, so why not?”
Well, he had me there.
“It would sound a lot better if it was the second thing,” I decided to say as I fell into step beside him. “But I forgot my mam was at home.”
