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“I didn’t mean to.” I hurried to appease, roughly batting my tears away as blood poured from my right hand. “I don’t know how I’m still standing,” I mumbled, somehow managing to not pass out from the sight of it. “I think I might be in a bit of shock or something, Johnny.” I reached up with a trembling hand and tapped my head. “I think I might be gone a bit wrong in here.”
“Don’t worry about it…” His voice cracked when he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me roughly against his chest. “It happens to the best of us.”
“I’m okay, Cap,” I mumbled against his shoulder as he held me in his arms. “I’m always okay.”
“Oh god, Gerard, is it true?” My mam was crying in the distance.
“What do you mean, is it true?” That was my old friend Hugh. “Of course it’s fucking true, Sadhbh! Look at him.”
“Gibs!” Was Feely crying?
“Gerard!” My walking heartbeat.
“Can everyone just clear out for a few minutes,” I heard my best friend command, chasing all the voices away. “Gibs and I are having a bit of a moment here, and we don’t need ye bunch of bleeding babies crying around the place, now do we, Gibs?”
“No.” Numb, I leaned my cheek on his shoulder and let him hold me. “No crying babies.”
“He needs to have that arm seen to, Johnny, and the Gards are on the way.”
“And that’s fine, and he will get it seen to,” Johnny replied in a coaxing tone as he lowered us both to the floor. “Just give him a minute.”
“They know, don’t they?” I whispered, slumped against him. “Everyone knows.”
His arms tightened around me, and he pulled me closer. “You’re going to be okay.”
“All the things he did to my body.” Feeling lifeless, I stared blankly ahead, feeling the tears trickling down my cheek. “I didn’t want any of it, Johnny.”
“I know you didn’t, Gibs…” He choked out a pained cry and continued to rock me back and forth. “I believe you.”
“I don’t want her to know.”
“Claire?”
I nodded, feeling empty. “She won’t be able to love me now.”
“She already loves you,” he strangled out. “We all love ya.” Sniffling, he pulled me closer and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I love the fucking bones of you, ya mad eejit.” He choked out a pained laugh. “And if you think this is going to chase me off, then you’ve another thing coming, fucker, because I’m never leaving you. Do ya hear me? Because you’re my Gibs.”
“And you’re my Kav.”
“That’s right.” He was crying hard now, and I think I was, too, but I felt so safe with him that I didn’t fight the noises and words and sounds that poured out of me. Instead, for the first time since my father died, I let it all out.
79
The Aftermath
CLAIRE
The following afternoon, I sat on the footpath on my side of the road and watched as Sadhbh Allen ushered another Garda inside the house.
The Gards I had spoken to last night were in uniform, but this one wasn’t in uniform, which led me to believe that he might be the detective on the case. I couldn’t be sure because I wasn’t allowed to cross the street, much less ask.
“That one is the detective inspector.” Handing me over a mug of hot chocolate, Shannon joined me on the footpath with a mug of her own. “I met him once when he was working on my family’s case.” She blew into her mug before taking a sip. “He’s one of the few I actually liked.”
Numb, I kept my attention trained on the bedroom window that looked directly into mine. The curtains, which had been drawn closed since last night, finally started to move.
When the curtains were drawn back and his bedroom window opened outward, hope filled my heart at a rapid pace.
Was he up?
