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“I’m not fighting, Shannon,” Lizzie countered. “I’m stating facts.”
“You’re instigating an argument.” Claire cut in, releasing her hold on me to face her friend. “Stop it.”
“You’re always taking his side,” Lizzie snapped, throwing her hands up. “Every goddamn time, Claire.”
“I’m not taking anyone’s side,” Claire countered in a frustrated tone. “Because there’s no side to take here, Liz.”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.” Roughly shoving past us, Lizzie stormed down the steps of the P.E. hall. “Maybe one day you’ll start believing it.”
“Lizzie!” both girls called after her, while I mentally sagged in relief at her retreating frame.
It hurt to be around Lizzie, to be the sole soundboard for her pain. It took everything I had inside of me to not scream and retaliate with a ferocity that would silence her forever.
Our stories were entangled, and while I felt fucking terrible for all she’d been through, it wasn’t my fault.
After the rumor went around about her sister’s suicide note, I used to hold my breath when I saw her, waiting for her to tell the world the truth. When it didn’t happen, I started to suspect that she didn’t know the full story.
There was only one person at fault and it sure as shit wasn’t me.
I didn’t want to fall out with anyone, but I had grown weary of taking the abuse. Of being the punching bag for another person’s mistakes. I didn’t hurt Caoimhe Young. I didn’t do that. I wasn’t the one to blame, and somehow I’d managed to become the sole target of her sister’s anger and grief.
I had zero plans on participating in this who-had-it-worse argument.
In my eyes, everyone had their own cross to carry. But Lizzie’s cross wasn’t put there by me. I didn’t fucking hurt Caoimhe. She didn’t have any of the facts. She wasn’t there and she didn’t know shit about what went down between them.
I, on the other hand, had the misfortune of having a front-row ticket to the meltdown. To the drama. To the beginning of the end for her sister, and I knew for a fact that Lizzie had put two and two together and come up with five. I didn’t say anything because what was the point? She wouldn’t believe me anyway. Caoimhe hadn’t.
I desperately wanted to silence her with the truth.
About the real reason her sister was dead.
About what really happened that night.
But I couldn’t because aside from the fact that I had never verbalized the truth to anyone still living on earth, Lizzie would never relent.
She would never say sorry.
She would never stop trying to turn our friends against me.
She would never stop blaming me.
Her words were poison, and if she knew my truth and used it against me, I would stop working. I knew I would.
She would use my pain as a bullet and shoot right at my heart.
She would find a way to blame me.
They all would.
That’s why she didn’t know.
That’s why none of them knew.
That’s what I had to remember to forget.
“Shannon like the river,” a familiar voice called out and all three of us turned to see Johnny, Hughie, and Feely walking toward us.
“Oh, he’s not limping, thank god,” Shannon whispered to herself before bolting down the steps in the direction of my best friend.
