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“Yes,” I replied emphatically.
“Everything alright, you two?” A light knock on my bedroom door sounded moments before it cracked open, and Mam’s head appeared. “I thought I heard shouting.”
“Gerard doesn’t love all of our babies,” I cried out in outrage. “He only loves one!”
“No, I love them all,” he defended, looking flustered. “I just don’t like looking at two of them.”
“Is it Tom and Harry?” Mam asked in a sympathetic tone. “Is it because they look like Brian?”
“Yes,” we both chorused in equal volumes of outrage.
“Oh dear.” Pushing the door fully open, Mam walked into my room, using her hand to cover her smile. “Okay, let’s have it.” Walking over to my bed, Mam sat down and crossed her legs. “One at a time.”
“I have spent months looking after our babies,” I got there first by saying. Okay, by screaming. “Doing the night feeds when Cherub refused to look after them. I went without sleep for these babies when they are his responsibility, too!”
“Oh, no, no, no, don’t even go there!” he warned, holding a hand up. “I have done everything I can for our babies!”
“Except love them,” I spat back. “You big dick!”
“Language, Claire,” Mam scolded.
“I beg your fucking pardon,” Gerard choked out, eyes widening. “Who’s the one who took them to his house every weekend to give you a break? And who’s the one that took a job at my mam’s bakery to pay Cherub’s maternity bill at the vets? Or for the boys to get their pediatric neutering so they didn’t fuck their own mam and have incestuous hillbilly babies?” He slapped his chest. “This big dick, that’s who!”
“Language, Gibsie.”
“Oh yeah, Gerard.” Ignoring my mam’s request to tone it down, I rolled my eyes to the heavens and shouted, “What a great weekend dad you are. Out with your wallet to make it all better. Fatherhood is about more than just money!”
“Reginald lives with me full-time!” he shouted back at me, throwing his hands up. “And I have never asked you to provide a single caterpillar in child support for him. No, because I dig up all the critters myself. Every day. So don’t act all high and mighty with me, baby!”
“And I appreciate you doing that,” I begrudgingly shouted back. “You know I hate getting my nails dirty.”
“I do know that.” Planting his hands on his hips, Gerard nodded stiffly. “That’s why I never ask you to do it.”
“And for financing our babies,” I said, still half shouting, even though I could feel the fight leave my body. “I appreciate you being the breadwinner in our family, too.”
“No problem,” he countered, tone still raised and hard, mirroring mine. “It’s the least I could do for you and the kids. I appreciate what a wonderful mother you are.” Purposefully hardening his tone, he added, “I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.”
“And you’re so much more than a weekend father,” I admitted, voice softening. “And I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else, either.”
“Okay then.” He nodded stiffly. “Are we still fighting, or can we hug it out?”
“Hug it out,” I replied, bolting straight for him. “Definitely hug it out.”
“Thank Jesus,” Gerard replied, wrapping me up in a bear hug. “Worst ten minutes of my life.”
“What am I going to do with the two of you?” Mam laughed from her perch on my bed. “You’re like an old married couple.”
“I don’t know, Sinead,” Gibsie replied with a solemn shrug. “But whatever it is, could it revolve around food? Preferably something from the Chinese or the chipper.”
“No, no, please not the chipper,” I protested, stepping around Gerard to get to my mam. “We had chipper food last Saturday night. I’ve been dying for beef satay all week.”
“Ooh, yeah.” Gerard’s eyes lit up. “Make that two beef satays.”
“With black bean sauce.”
“And egg fried rice.”
“Should we get a portion of chips?” I asked, tilting my head to one side. “Or will we just have the prawn crackers?”
