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"Don't," I said, shaking my head.
"Come on, man. You clearly have feelings for her. You haven't taken your eyes off her all day."
I looked around to make sure nobody was within earshot. "I'm attracted to her. You know that. But we're just having fun."
"You look miserable."
"I'm fine." I drummed my fingers on the table, focusing on them instead of my brother’s probing eyes.
"Have you told her how you feel? How do you really feel?"
"Look. Let's say I did have feelings for her. I don't but let's pretend I did. Even then, I wouldn't say anything to her."
"Why?"
"You can see why." I leaned forward, my voice hushed. "She's determined to head back to New York. I don't want to fuck that up for her. She's still young, with her whole life ahead of her. I should know—when you're young, you make crazy mistakes. If by some fluke, she decided to stay here and ended up resenting it, I'd never be able to forgive myself."
"You've thought about this a lot considering you don't have feelings for her."
"You think I'm doing the right thing, don't you?" Now I found his eyes, pale blue and sincere.
"Brother, I don't know. I think that if I were her, I'd want to know how you feel. So she can at least make an informed decision."
I shook my head. "I can't risk that she decides to stay."
"You can't risk giving yourself the chance to be happy?"
"I can't risk robbing her of the chance to follow her dreams.” My voice cracked. “I know all too well how it feels to get stuck, to lose sight of what you're truly capable of. I won't do that to her."
Ethan was about to reply when Elara poked her head in, all smiles. "The girls are requesting your presence for a video game tourney. You boys in?"
I pasted on a grin, shoving down the ache in my chest. "Wouldn't miss it."
I didn't get much of a chance to spend any time one-on-one with Elara. We all kicked seven shades of shit out of each other—virtually, of course—and the whole time we laughed and smiled, I felt like I was going to burst.
As we prepared to head home, I stepped out to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and looked at my reflection.
You’re doing the right thing, Cole. You’re doing this for her.
When I opened the bathroom door, Elara was right there. She lifted a finger to her lips, eyes dancing, and then pushed me back into the room.
I pressed her up against the door, crushing her lips with mine, giving in to her sweet warmth. I'd been wanting this all day, wanting her. I cradled her face, drinking her in, committing every sensation to memory. Her fingers curled into my shirt as she matched my intensity, our breaths mingling in the charged air between us. It felt, strangely, like a goodbye.
"Thank you so much for taking Anthony," she whispered.
"That's why you're kissing me?"
She gazed at me, her face bathed in golden evening light from the bathroom window. "I'm kissing you because you're really damn sexy."
"I'll take your word for it."
"I'm going to miss you," she breathed into my ear.
"It's just for a few days," I replied.
"I don't mean the interview. I mean when I go."
"We'll stay in touch."
