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He’s not kissing me. He’s not even looking at me. Is this argument bigger than I think it is?
The tension building in my core fades as I start to spiral. All it took was one little fight to taint the physical relationship between us.
Is he just using me for sex? Am I going to wake up in the morning to find him gone again? He says he loves me, but does he really? If I won’t fool around with him at work, is he going to leave me?
More and more thoughts keep spiraling around in my head. As much as I want to enjoy the sex, I know it’s not going to happen. There are too many questions circling around about what Brookes really wants from me.
Brookes keeps thrusting for a few moments before he finally stops and looks down at me. He pulls out completely, sitting back on his heels.
“Is everything alright?” he asks, his gaze searching mine. “Usually, you’re screaming my name and coming all over my cock by now.”
“Sorry,” I say, rolling away from him and crawling beneath the sheets. “I just don’t think it’s going to happen tonight. I’ve had a long day, and I watched a patient die, and it’s just been a lot.”
“Jessie, are you sure? It seems like there’s something wrong right now.” He props himself up to look at me. “If there is something going on, or I did something wrong, I want to talk about it.”
And here we are, always talking about things when he wants to talk about them. Doing things in our relationship on his timeline. I just want to sit in my thoughts a little bit and figure things out for myself.
I sigh and roll onto my side, my back to him. “Nothing is wrong, Brookes. I just told you that I had a long day. I just need some sleep.”
I just need some time to think about if this relationship is progressing the way it should.
“Jessie, it seems like there’s something wrong. Beyond just watching a patient die.”
My spine stiffens and I fight the urge to scream. How can he say something so cold and cruel?
I don’t think he meant it that way, but it still has the hair on the back of my neck standing up.
There’s a horrible little part of me that wants to throw this entire thing back at him. I want to point out that he’s starting to head toward controlling dickhead territory. That mean voice in the back of my mind wants to tell him that he’s being exactly like his father.
But I don’t, because Brookes isn’t like his father. And that mean little voice is only popping up because I watched a teenager die today.
“Brookes, I held a boy’s hand while he passed away. That and the way we behave at work are the only things wrong with me right now. I watched that boy ask for his mother and I had to be the one to tell him that she wouldn’t be coming.”
He sighs and pulls the sheets up his body, tucking a pillow beneath his head. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that today. I know my dad being there and acting like an ass didn’t help either.”
“It’s fine. I just want to sleep. I’m tired of thinking about everything that happened today.”
Tomorrow we’ll wake up and things will be better. Hopefully.
20
BROOKES
Ithink I’m going to ruin everything with Jessie.
What if she decides she’s better off without me?
I wouldn’t blame her for deciding that. She deserves the world and all I’ve brought is drama into her life. I promised her this time was going to be different. And it is.
My dad is involved. Our peers are judging her.
I didn’t listen to her like I should have.
My mind is still spinning as I park the car at the Barn early in the morning. The sun is just starting to crest over the hills. Snow glistens on the trees and against the mountains, making everything look like a winter wonderland.
Even though I don’t love being back in the same state as my father, I do love getting to see the winters in Colorado again. These snowy mornings are one of the things I missed the most when I was away.
I get out of the car, my breath coming out in white puffs. The air is chilly, and snow continues to fall. As I stuff my hands in my pockets and look out at the mountains, my mind wanders back to the other night with Jessie.
