Page 94 of In the Shadows


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“It’s not easy, but if you love him … if you love both Sebastian and Death, you’ll make it work. Kip and I will help you. However, if you can’t stay with him, you need to break things off with him now.”

I barked out a laugh. “Death will come after me, Dope. I can’t tell him I no longer want to be with him. I was afraid that he was behind the car accident, and in a way, he was. What would happen if I tried to break things off with him?” A twisted little thrill rippled through me while I reveled in the idea of Death’s dark hold over me, but I had one over him too. His dark, obsessive need for me made my body tingle all over. I had grown to love him and all of his fucked-up ways.

“You might be the only person that could talk to him, Ella. I’m afraid the cops are starting to figure shit out, and he’s in trouble. He has to stop killing people for now. Kip and I are hoping that you might be able to make a difference for him—calm the beast inside.”

Unable to hold back the floodgates any longer, my body shook as I sobbed, reality slamming into me like an eighteen-wheeler on steroids. Sniffling, I gave Dope a sad smile. “When my mom used to read books to me as a child, I always wanted the bad guy. I was convinced that the big bad wolf just needed to be loved in order to change. I’ve been drawn to a darkness that I didn’t understand, so when Death showed up, it was scary as hell, but then I realized there was a magnetic pull to him I couldn’t control. He saw straight inside my soul and recognized things inside me I’d always been afraid to admit to myself. I hated him for seeing my vulnerability, playing on it to manipulate me. Then there’s Sebastian. He’s such a gentleman—caring, strong, and everything I could have ever hoped for.” I looked at Dope, my shoulders shaking with my cries. “What am I going to do? How am I going to reconcile the idea that this amazing man in front of me is also a brutal killer? Everything I’ve experienced with him as Sebastian is …” A frustrated groan slipped from my throat as I stared at the cloudy sky. “I don’t want to hurt him. I’ll never be free from Death, and I’m not sure I want to be. If I tell Sebastian that I can’t see him anymore, then I would have to run and hide from Death. He would hunt me, and I would be constantly moving.”

“He’ll find you. He’s almost as good a hacker as I am.” The corner of his lips kicked up. “Almost. He had a damn good teacher.”

“That wasn’t the advice I was hoping for,” I muttered.

“Truth trumps advice right now, Ella. You’re going to have to decide just like Kip and I had to. Do you love him enough to keep his secret? Even cover up the murders of evil men?”

I picked at the hangnail on my finger, unable to answer him yet. I cared deeply for both men, but a true commitment scared the shit out of me. If Death went down, we all went down.

You’re already covering up murders and lies for him. I told the voice in my head to shut the hell up. I was well aware of my actions. That was not the real issue, though.

“Listen, Sebastian doesn’t know that I’m with you. He thinks you went to your house to grab some things you needed for work. Make up a bullshit story that you’re sick and have the stomach flu and won’t be back for a few days. Take a beat to process. Hell, Kip and I had to do the same thing. Kip almost ditched us the first time he met Sebastian’s other personality. It’s a lot to chew on. If for some reason you decide you can’t stick around, Kip and I will help you relocate. Just please don’t give Sebastian up.”

I swallowed over the anguish. “I haven’t given Death up to the police, and I won’t now. You have my word.”

“Okay, and what about Sebastian? You could nail him for breaking the law too.”

“I won’t. He’s doing too much good, plus I signed an NDA.” I stood and brushed off the back of my jeans in case there was dirt on my ass, but it was the least of my worries.

“Thank you, Ella. For the record, Kip and I are hoping you won’t go anywhere. I think you’re exactly what Bass needs. I know that’s a lot of pressure, but I don’t mean it like that. Just being you makes Bass happy, and he deserves a fucking break.”

I turned to Dope as he stood and gave him a big hug. “He’s lucky to have you, and Kip, as well.”

As we walked to the car, Dope slung his arm over my shoulder as if he were an older brother. “Before I drop you off, I’ll make sure you have my phone number if you need anything. I probably don’t have to tell you not to say or text too much on the line, though.”

“Yeah, it’s the same with my bosses when we’re talking about a case. We keep the majority of the conversation in person.”

“Excellent. When do you go back to work?”

We reached Dope’s car and hopped in.

“In a week. Guess that gives me some time to think some things through.”

Dope started the engine, and before he shifted into drive, he asked for my phone and added his number. “It’s under Hal Whitney instead of my nickname.”

“Thanks. I appreciate the support. You’re a good guy, Dope.”

He pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward my house. “I wasn’t sure about you at first, and when you followed Bass when we were trying to get Sarah and the kids out safely, I was fucking pissed. You were my least favorite person.”

I cracked a grin. “When did that change?”

“When you didn’t turn Death in for saving your life with Stephen, then for sure at the hospital. You refused to leave his side.”

“In all fairness, I was afraid Death would slip into his room and finish him off.” I stared out the passenger’s side window.

His gaze cut over to me. “Even before you knew the truth, you were protecting Sebastian. Tell me why.”

A few heartbeats of silence hung in the air.

Dope’s brow arched, but he didn’t say anything else. I heard his unspoken words loud and clear. I was falling in love with Sebastian.

Once I was inside my house and the alarm was on, I poured myself a hell of a stiff drink. Throwing myself onto the sofa by the window, I propped my feet up on the edge of the coffee table. First, I messaged Sebastian and told him I was puking and wouldn’t be back until I was better. I couldn’t risk him getting sick and ripping open his stitches. From his texts, I could tell he was disappointed, but he was sweet and understanding.

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