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“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “It won’t happen again.” I had only thought to spare her my messy emotions, which was a bit selfish in hindsight. Isn’t that always the way? We’re all just doing our best, and sometimes we bruise the ones we most care about in the process. “I’ll do better.”
“We both will.” She takes my hand and turns us back toward the stairs. “But, even if we’re not going to have a baby soon, maybe we could... practice?”
I flush hot and then hotter. “Practice.”
“I know we’re choosing not to utilize a key component of the whole baby-making process, but I think that may make it more fun?” A blush takes up residence in her cheeks, and that only makes me need her more.s
I pick up my pace. “Yes. Practice sounds perfect.”
EPILOGUE
BELLADONNA
“Are you sure?”
I smile at Rusalka, because it’s the same question they’ve asked me a dozen times leading up to tonight. It doesn’t matter that we’ve been together two full years now, or that we both knew this day would come. They still want me to be sure and safe in this decision. “I’m sure.”
They eye the door we’re about to walk through almost nervously. “If at any point you change your mind?—”
“Rusalka.” I wait for her to turn to face me fully and take her hands. “I want this for our people, yes, but I want this for us. You and me.” I won’t pretend that it’s been the easiest path to get here. The insidious nature of my internal whispers still strike at the most unexpected times. It hurts. I don’t think it will ever stop hurting entirely. But I have ways to deal with that pain now. I talk to Rusalka. I garden. I spend time with our people. There’s even a therapist of sorts—a soul-healer, Rusalka calls nem—that I’ve been seeing. Jacquiel is good at asking questions and giving me ways to fight through to the other side. I like nem a lot—even when I hate nem.
All of this has brought us here, to this moment, to this party.
“Are you ready?” I squeeze her hands. “I know we’ve talked about this, but if you’ve changed your mind, I can keep the birth control pendant on and it can be a normal party like we’ve done in the past.”
She takes a deep breath and pulls me into her arms to hug me close. “No, that’s not it at all. I want this, too. You know how much. If you’re sure, then I’m sure.”
“I’m sure.” It’s the truth. Every day of the last two years has been filled with the kind of safety I barely dared dream about back in the human realm. There have been learning curves and Rusalka and I argue on a semi regular basis about various things, but those arguments have solutions and can be talked through. No one is leveraging threats of burning in an everlasting hell if I don’t act according to rules I don’t believe in.
“Then let’s go.” They push open the door and hold it for me to step into the room. It’s the same one all the parties are held in, big and luxurious and filled with a variety of furniture to lounge on…or play on.
Zhenya sees us first and bounds over, only a sheer robe covering zir body. “You’re here.” Ze kisses me lightly on the lips and then does the same to Rusalka. “Let’s have some fun!”
I share one last look with Rusalka before I’m swept away in Zhenya’s enthusiasm. I’ll find her at the end of the night, if not before. The concept of ethical non-monogamy was strange to me at first, but the longer I’ve been here, the more it just fits us. At this point, it’s just the parties that we attend on a regular basis, but if that changes in the future, then I have no doubt we’ll talk it through and find the best past forward for us—and any partners we engage with.
It’s a…relief…to know that one person doesn’t have to be my everything the way I was taught. I love Rusalka with everything I have. That doesn’t change the way my heart flutters a little with Zhenya’s hand in mine as ze leads me to where Danik and Feofan sit on a love seat, a glass of wine in each of their hands. “They’re finally here!”
Danik smiles at me, flames dancing along his skin. “Inna only arrived a few minutes ago. They’re hardly late.”
“I’m impatient. Let me live.” Zhenya wraps zir arms around my waist and props zir chin on my shoulder. I can feel Rusalka’s gaze on us, and it makes me squirm in the best way possible. All of the succubi and incubi in the room notice it. How could they not when they can sense my desire? Zhenya presses a kiss to my cheek. “Gods, you all bring me so much joy.”
I reach up with suddenly shaking hands, and I swear every person in the room focuses on me with a level of attention I can feel like a physical touch. I lift the birth control pendant—a gift from Azazel—from over my head and set it down carefully on the table next to Danik and Feofan’s chair. “I’m ready.”
No one responds with words, but magic charges through the room. When we discussed this party and how it would be different than past ones, Rusalka and I decided that we’d like to have the Insomnior Court be part of the process in a very real way. All except Zhenya agreed—ze said “Not me, love. I’m happy being bibi to all the little ones and not have any of my own.” Ze is still here, of course. Zhenya loves a party more than most and wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Feofan takes my hand and tugs me down to straddle him. “You look lovely tonight.” He cups my hips as Danik shifts to stand behind me, replacing Zhenya. I catch sight of them drifting over to Rusalka, to sink between her spread thighs. Our gaze meets in a charged moment that makes me shiver.
This is happening.
If everything goes to plan, tonight I’ll end up pregnant with a baby that’s ours. Mine. Hers. The Insomnior Court’s. The entire territory’s. To be loved and cherished and raised with the option of being territory leader after Rusalka steps down. But only if they want to. They will be raised with an abundance of love that still baffles me on my bad days. They will never be taught to feel shame for something that is natural and hurts no one.
Danik skates his hand down my stomach to part my robe, and Feofan anticipates him, already stroking me between my legs. I don’t need succubus or incubus magic to call the surge of desire I feel in response. It’s all me. It’s all joy.
I lose myself in their touch, in my touching them in turn. Pleasure ebbs and flows in a lazy seduction that only makes everything hotter. Especially when Danik’s lips brush my ear and he says. “We’d like to take you together.”
Together.
I shiver, already nodding. “Yes. Absolutely.”
