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Tears threaten to fall again, but I close my eyes and the drugs Kat gave me really take hold. Memories of a deep voice and warm, strong hands swirl through my brain, and still it’s Father Mike’s face that I see. Except it morphs, changes shape, and becomes the face of Lorenzo Moretti. I wish I knew. I wish I could remember. I drift off to sleep with images of the two men swimming in my head, and when I go all the way under, I find nightmares waiting for me. Nightmares that feature Phoenix with a bullet between her lifeless eyes.
Chapter
Thirty-Five
KERES
Imust have been knocked out for hours because it’s light outside when I wake. Ace is sleeping on a chair in the corner, his head resting against the wall.
There’s a soft blanket covering me, and I have no idea who put it there. Ace? I clear those wishful thoughts from my mind. Ace doesn’t care about me. Nobody does. Pulling back the covers, I slip out of bed and tiptoe to the door. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to leave this room, but I need to pee.
Walking down the opulent hallway, I can’t help but wonder what it must have been like to grow up in a house like this. I bet it was amazing to have all this security and money and safety. Phoenix and I had a good, if simple, life in our foster home. It was better than a lot of foster kids I hear about, but we were never made to feel like part of the family. Never really made to feel like we belonged. I suspect only Father Mike’s influence in the local community kept us with the same family, somewhere close by where he could keep an eye on us. He was the only person to ever show us any true affection. The Morettis don’t know how lucky they were to go to sleep each night and not wonder what fresh hell the next day would bring.
A pang of acute sadness gnaws at my gut as I think about my incredible mom. Despite everything, she always made the best of things. Always tried to make life as kind and as fun as possible, protecting me from as much as she could. At least until… Despair and terror almost knock me on my ass. I haven’t thought about her in such a long time, and that’s because all the happy memories are stuck behind my last memory of her. No matter how hard I try not to think about it, that fucker always makes an unwelcome appearance.
I plant my hand on the wall next to me to keep myself upright, but the sound of a child screaming sends my already racing heart galloping even faster. Sucking in a steadying breath, I twist my head to locate the source of the sound. A quieter shriek leads me to the open doorway of a library.
Lorenzo is crouched in front of a little girl who looks to be about two. The little girl’s cries turn to sniffles when Lorenzo cups her face in his hands. “It was just a spider, Raven.”
She sniffs. “Scary hairy legs.”
A smile flickers across his face. “Come show me and I’ll teach you how to catch it and put it outside.”
“But I scared, Daddy,” she whines, looking into his face with her huge doe eyes, so full of trust and innocence. What must it be like to have a father you can look at like that?
He takes her tiny hand in his and brushes her dark curls back from her face. “It’s okay to be scared. But you, little one, are a warrior. And warriors don’t escape fear, they conquer it.”
Those words. My knees buckle, and my vision goes blurry with tears. I clap my hand over my mouth, and I once again have to lean against the doorframe for fear I’ll fall down.
“Who’s that, Daddy?” Raven asks, her nose scrunched up as she watches me.
Lorenzo scoops her into his arms and hugs her tightly to his chest, growling like a protective lion guarding his cubs, as though I might be a danger to his innocent little girl. And I can’t blame him. I did take her mom and unborn sibling. So much shame and guilt wash over me. Sweat beads on my forehead. I try to suck in air, but there’s none in the room. I can’t breathe. I grasp at my throat.
“Is she okay?” the little girl’s voice breaks through the fog whirling in my brain.
“Kat!” Lorenzo shouts.
I’m not sure how much time has passed when another voice drifts into my ear. Kat’s. “There you are. I only popped out to get a little something to eat.”
“Something’s wrong with her,” Lorenzo says calmly.
Then Kat’s soft hands are on my shoulders, guiding me into the library. “Let’s get you seated, sweetheart. You’ve been through a lot.”
Lorenzo snorts, and I hear him having a whispered conversation with his daughter. I’m vaguely aware of her skipping from the room, all thoughts of the hairy-legged spider seemingly forgotten now that a strange woman almost blacked out right in front of her.
Kat leads me to the sofa and urges me to sit down, an offer I gladly accept. “Take deep breaths, sweetheart.” She rests a cool hand on my forehead.
I suck in deep gulps of air as my eyes dart between her and Lorenzo. It was him. That deep voice. Those strong hands. Those words. He pulled me from that van.
“You’re okay. We got you.” Kat strokes my hair back from my damp forehead. Slowly my heart rate returns to a regular pattern and my breathing evens out. But tears roll down my cheeks, and I feel like such a fucking fool.
“Give us a few moments, would you, Kat?” Lorenzo asks, taking a seat in the armchair opposite me.
She shoots him a warning look. “Only if you promise to play nice.”
He holds up his hands in surrender. “Promise.”
She glances at me again. “You feeling okay?”
