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"How many are there?"
"About two hundred."
Soon he and JT were far enough ahead that she couldn't make out the exact words, but she could hear Aidan chatter on.
"Does it ever stop?" Colleen laughed.
"Never," Sarah replied. "JT has the patience of a saint."
"He's a great guy."
Sarah turned in her saddle to face her. "A great guy? He's amazing. I'm telling you Colleen, you need to lock him down, and quick."
Colleen shook her head. "I don't think I'm in a place where I'm ready to lock someone down. I'm still not sure I'll ever be." But even as she spoke, she couldn't deny that her feelings for JT were deepening by the day. To the point where imagining the time when they came to what she considered an inevitable end filled her with dread.
So maybe it doesn't have to end.
"If you keep thinking that way, no, you never will be. But did you ever think that instead of being stuck on why things didn't work out with Gregory, you could view this as an opportunity? Maybe things weren't supposed to work out with Gregory. Maybe the universe ended your marriage to make room for JT."
"So, you're saying the universe made Gregory cheat?"
"No, he did that all on his own. Asshole."
Colleen's horse jerked to the side as a rabbit ran across the trail, nearly unseating her. She patted him on the back and re-centered herself in the saddle. "That's the other thing. Until I found out about the affair, I thought Gregory was a great guy too. Who's to say I won't be wrong again? Who's to say things won't turn out the same?"
"Of course you can never perfectly predict the future. Both of us are glaring examples of that," Sarah said with a wry laugh. "But the difference between Gregory and JT is that Gregory was really good at acting like a great guy, because that's how he wanted the world to see him. JT is the real deal."
Colleen chewed on that for a minute. She had spent enough time cataloging Gregory's behavior throughout their marriage to know that Sarah was right about him. But what about JT? "How do you know JT's the real deal? You just met him yesterday."
Sarah tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I just do. I'm great at reading people."
Colleen cocked her eyebrow and turned in her saddle. "Says the woman whose husband realized after seven years of marriage that he was gay."
Colleen had been shocked when Sarah told her why she and Jim were divorcing. She didn't know Jim well and hadn't spent much time with him since he'd first swept Sarah off her feet all those years ago. At thirty, and nine years older than Sarah, Jim was already successful, allowing him to indulge in fast cars and expensive vacations. Entranced by his good looks and confidence, Sarah had been more than happy to go along for the ride.
In all the years they were married, Sarah had never given her a hint that they faced anything other than the normal problems couples faced as they grew into their marriages and became parents.
"Touché." Sarah's mouth pulled up in a half smile. "But I like to think I'm better at reading people at thirty than I was at twenty-one."
"I understand why you're so scared, you know I do. I mean, I fell in love with and married a person who was hiding who he really was for our entire relationship. How do I know I'm not going to completely fuck it up again? But I also don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Just because I was too blinded by the person he pretended to be to see who he really was, doesn't mean I don't deserve to be happy with someone else."
Sarah's words stayed with her throughout the rest of the day, and into the evening while she bartended at the ranch. At some level, did she believe she didn't deserve to be happy? Because she couldn't fulfill her lifelong mission as "perfect Colleen" in her marriage with Gregory, that she didn't deserve love at all?
Did she think because she'd fucked up once, she didn't deserve another chance?
"Another vodka tonic for me, and another Shirley Temple for my date." Sarah called over the sound of the band playing a Dwight Yoakum cover from inside the lodge. The ranch's weekly Friday night dance was in full swing at the rec hall, and Sarah's cheeks were already flushed with the two cocktails Colleen had served her.
"Having enough fun?" Colleen grinned as she quickly mixed the drinks.
"Oh, my God, we're having the best time, aren't we, sweetie?" She wrapped her arm around Aidan's shoulders and gave him a quick squeeze. "I just love it here—this place is so gorgeous—" She paused as Aidan pulled away and ran off to join a group of kids at the other end of the courtyard. "Aidan has his little pack to run around with. And yesterday in town was a blast."
The day before, Colleen had met Sarah and Aidan in town. After lunch at Adele's, they had walked around the tiny downtown, Sarah marveling the whole time how it had changed so little since the times she'd visited Colleen when they were in college. "I think I met you ten years ago," she exclaimed to Veronica Park, who was working behind the counter at the local ice cream parlor when they stopped in to get a scoop. "It's so great to see you're still here!"
"Give me a break," she said when Colleen rolled her eyes. "It's so different from LA, where things are being constantly torn down and rebuilt. Businesses move in for a year or two, then they're forced out by a rent increase, or something else happens. I swear, with all of the changes going on in your life, doesn't it feel good to know you can count on some things staying the same?"
Colleen hadn't really thought of it that way before, but now she realized Sarah was right. When she'd first come back to Big Timber to help take care of her dad, she'd been so consumed in his care, and then later, her grief, she hadn't been able to appreciate the comfort her home had to offer. The way life moved a little slower. The sense of history she shared with all the familiar people and places.
When she'd first moved back, she'd thought of it as a temporary stop. Once her mom—and she—was back on her feet, she'd find a job at a bigger hospital in a bigger town and start over.
