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He looked up, his surprise evident. At the sight of him, her heart leapt to her throat, then quickly plummeted as he schooled his features into a flat, guarded look.
"I'm sorry I didn't call or text first," she said. "I, uh," was afraid you'd blow me off. "I thought it would be better to come in person."
"Okay." His voice was flat, monotone. Not a good sign. "Do you want to sit down?"
She slid into the armchair and dropped her purse to the floor, grateful to do so as her legs had developed the consistency of Jell-O. She clenched her hands in her lap to disguise their trembling. "So, Liam said you're quitting the ranch?"
He gave a curt nod. "I'm leaving at the end of the season."
"And it was because of what your father did?"
He leaned back in his chair, his lips pressed in a tight line. "It was a lot of stuff, but yeah what my father did was the last straw."
There was missing the edge in his tone as he emphasized the word father.
He gave her a pointed look, and her heart squeezed at the obvious anger and hurt behind it.
She blew out a shaky breath. "I owe you a huge apology. I should have believed you when you said you had nothing to do with it. I should have trusted you."
She looked for something, any sign of softening. The knot in her stomach swelled to the size of a bowling ball as he continued to give her nothing but that hard, flat stare.
"Yeah, you should have."
"Look, I've made it no secret that I have some major trust issues," she said, searching frantically for the words that would crack his hard shell. "They're so bad that I thought I would never get over them, but being with you made me see that maybe it's possible—"
"You believing the worst in me the first chance you got being evidence of that?" he snapped.
Her heart clenched at the anger and hurt that flared in his eyes. "I know I still have a lot of work to do." She forced the words past the knot in her throat. "But I want to do it. I don't want what happened between me and Gregory to keep me from being happy."
His mouth quirked in a rueful smile. Finally, there it was, a small crack in his brick wall. "It's good that you finally want to work on it. You really do deserve to be happy."
"I really care about you, JT, and I—"
"And I really care about you too. No matter what's happened between us, I'll always wish you the best."
Her body flushed hot, then icy cold as she realized that, contrary to her dreams of him accepting her apology, sweeping her into his arms and confessing his undying love, he wasn't going to budge. She'd had one chance and one chance only to prove her faith in him, and she'd messed it up.
"Well, thanks, I guess." She tried not to buckle at the sensation of her heart being crushed by a giant fist.
"Was there anything else?" he asked as she continued to sit, the blow of his rejection leaving her dazed.
Of course there was more. I love you, she wanted to scream. Give me another chance, and I promise I won't screw it up this time. "No," she said, hating the quiver in her voice as she desperately held back tears.
"In that case, I should get back to work. Just because I'm in the short timer's club doesn't mean I can slack off."
"Right," she said softly, and forced herself out of the chair. She closed the office door behind her and just managed to make it to her car before she broke down.
JT watched the door close behind her, his breath tight as he felt his heart being ripped out of his chest all over again. His fingers gripped the edge of his desk. It was all he could do not to go after her, to tell her he loved her and wanted to give them another chance.
But he couldn't let him forget how ready she was to believe he was a liar, how quick she was to believe the worst of him. How quick she was to put him in the same category as her cheating ex.
He couldn't live that way, constantly walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for her to let go of all her baggage so she could actually trust him.
If he'd gained anything in the last week, it was clarity. He knew the kind of relationship he wanted. He knew the kind of life he wanted. He needed to accept the reality that, as much as he loved her, he wasn't going to have it with Colleen.
It was time to stop pursuing dreams that would never come true.
Chapter 22
