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"You really love her, don't you?" Sarah said softly.
Jesus, he'd known coming to the shower and potentially seeing Colleen was going to be hard, but he hadn't signed up for being put under the microscope by her best friend. "Hell of a lot of good it does me. I can love her to the moon and back and I still can't get her to trust me. Asshole Gregory took care of that."
"She trusted you enough to tell you about her miscarriage. That has to mean something."
"She didn't trust me enough not to believe I wouldn't screw her over."
She sighed and gave him a pointed look. "Colleen has a lot to work through. I'll give you that. It's going to be baby steps, and hopefully most of them will be forward. But some of them are going to be backward. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about," she said with a wry smile. "You have to ask yourself if you really want to give up on the woman you love just because she took one—admittedly large—step back?"
Aidan was calling for Sarah from across the yard and she excused herself.
Her words sank their tiny hooks into his consciousness. He watched Colleen, wondering if anyone else saw the flicker of sadness in her eyes as she bent to kiss the baby's head. If anyone else noticed the wistful expression on her face.
In that moment, her gaze locked with his and the stark yearning he saw there broke his heart all over again. He watched as she handed the baby over to Molly and then quickly retreated inside. A voice in his head screamed at him to go after her, even as he tried to remind himself that she wasn't his to take care of and never had been.
Sarah's words bubbled to the surface. Do you really want to give up on the woman you love just because she took one—admittedly large—step back?
He had reasons, good reasons, to end things now, he told himself. But what if, a sneaky little voice ventured, you're doing the exact same thing Colleen did. Maybe you're pushing her away because you're so worried about repeating YOUR mistakes.
An uncomfortable sensation unfurled in his gut at the thought, and at how much it rang true. Was he so afraid of being that guy who was so desperate to make a failing relationship work that he was willing to shut out the woman he loved?
All this time he'd been angry, frustrated, and hurt by the way Colleen let her past dictate how she saw him, but wasn't he doing the exact same thing?
Yes, she'd taken a step back when she'd jumped to the conclusion that he was lying to her. But she'd taken another step forward when she sought him out to apologize. It took a lot of guts for her to come to him, knowing the potential for her to be hurt.
He started across the yard, nodding but not stopping as people said hello. An image of Colleen flashed in his mind, of that day she came to apologize.
She'd looked heartbreakingly beautiful, but tentative and vulnerable as she offered her halting apology. He winced, remembering the quiver of her mouth, the devastated look in her eyes when he'd so coldly rejected her.
A hard lump swelled in his throat at the thought of how much he'd hurt her.
He hadn't given her a second chance. Who was to say he she would give him one? He stepped onto the deck and took a deep, bracing breath before entering the house.
He and Colleen both had a lot of baby steps in front of them, but hopefully she would see things like he did. They would move things a lot faster if they took those steps side by side.
Colleen locked herself in the bathroom and gave into the tidal wave of tears. She supposed one day she'd stop crying over JT, just as she'd stopped crying over Gregory.
Today was not that day.
She thought she'd braced herself for the possibility of running into JT, convinced herself that she could hold it together when and if she did. It had taken just one look at him to shatter that illusion. One look at JT and she had seen it all—the whole of their life together, flashing before her eyes.
Getting married at the ranch. Cradling their babies in their arms. JT teaching their sons and daughters to ride and rope. The two of them cheering them on at soccer and little league games. Then, in old age, holding hands on the couch while they watched TV.
Now all of that was gone, impossible, because she was too afraid to trust him.
After several moments she managed to compose herself as the sobs subsided into an occasional sniff. She splashed cold water on her face, which did little to calm the redness of her eyes but made her mascara run.
She wiped it away, wincing as she assessed her reflection. In addition to her red rimmed and puffy eyes, the tip of her nose was pink. And she'd been so eager to escape she hadn't stopped to grab her purse from the table outside, so she couldn't do much to repair the damage.
Hopefully she could dart out and grab it before anyone saw her and clued in that she'd spent the last ten minutes sobbing in the bathroom.
She put her hand on the doorknob, heart thrumming in her chest at having to see JT again. You can do this, she told herself. You've already had the initial blow. The hard part is over. For now.
She opened the bathroom door and jumped back, startled when she ran into a wide male chest.
Strong hands settled on her shoulders to steady her. "Sorry to startle you. I just wanted to see if you're okay."
Her heart leapt in her throat as she met JT's concerned gaze. Warmth emanated from his hands on her shoulders. She forced herself to step away. "I'm fine. Bathroom's all yours." She tried to go around him, but he stepped to the side, blocking her.
