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A tragic laugh fell from my lips. “So our sex is perfect, but the rest—the stuff that knots souls together—is shit?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I backed up.
I couldn’t find the shore in this tempest of emotions she drowned me in.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Her voice was too quiet, too soft.
“Say that you feel the same way as I do. Say that you’ll give me a chance.”
Her tears welled but didn’t fall.
She never let them fall anymore.
“Seeing as you’re so fond of the truth…fine.” She balled her hands. “Allow me to tell you my honest-to-God feelings.” Sucking in a breath, she murmured, “I like you. As awful as it is and as much as I don’t want to…I like you. I like the man I see right here, standing before me. The man who rescued me, who looks at me as if I’m infinitely precious—the man who knows right from wrong.”
My chest swelled with heat, only for her to puncture it.
“The moment I saw you in Paris, I felt something. Something strong and nonsensical. Something right in here.” She pressed her fingertips over her heart. “You took my breath away, Henri. You made butterflies swarm in my stomach. When you offered money to sleep with me, I was flattered and aroused, and I thought…maybe.”
“Maybe?” I whispered.
“Maybe it was destiny. Maybe it was fate. Maybe we knew each other in a different life, and that’s why you felt so familiar.” Her eyes hardened into amber chips. “But then you gave me to Victor, and all those maybes died. Maybe we might have been happy. Maybe we might’ve dated and fallen in love. Maybe we might’ve gotten married. Maybe we would’ve lived happily ever after. Maybe.”
I cursed my stupid, stupid heart for its desperate eagerness. “We can still have those maybes, Ily. Just because our relationship isn’t conventional doesn’t mean—”
“The moment you turned your back on us—the second you refused to save the jewels—you made an unforgivable choice. A choice to become one of them and forsake all of us. You choose to abuse me all while calling it monogamy and marriage.”
Stepping into me, her temper returned with wicked hellfire. “You brought me here. You condemned me to this. And you don’t get to be angry with me for choosing to survive. You don’t get to look at me as if I was stupid to fight back. You don’t get to judge me, or scold me, or expect me to fall into your arms with sobs of gratitude. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for stopping him. For the first time since you chose to stay here, I see a shimmer of goodness still inside you. I wish that goodness would win. I wish you’d remember why you came here, but I know that most wishes don’t come true, so…I will accept who you are, not the man I wish you would become.”
“I’m—”
“I’m not finished.” Her nose rose with aristocratic poise. “I will say it one last time so you know how genuine my feelings are. I will never forget what you did, and a part of me will always be grateful to you for protecting me despite everything else you do. But…I need you to see that what you did tonight was for your benefit, not mine.”
“My benefit?”
“You saved me for yourself. You saved me because you think I belong to you, not because you care.”
I swallowed hard, drowning beneath thick, rising nausea. “Don’t assume you know how I feel, Ily. And you’re wrong. You do. You do belong to me.”
“No. I don’t.” Her eyes softened as if whatever she’d say next had the power to slaughter me. “You’re lost, Master H. You’re all alone. You were born alone. You will die alone. And while you keep me against my will, you will stay alone.”
I staggered back.
Just like I’d never enjoyed love, I’d never learned that ordinary words in the mouth of someone you cared about could cut as deep as daggers.
They sliced me.
Wounded me.
My teeth bared to teach her a lesson.
My hand came up to grab her, but then…I took another tripping step backward instead.
She watched me warily.
I wanted her.
My hunger and thirst for her were fucking unbearable.
But that goddamn fear twisted everything.
I’d saved her because if anything happened to her—
Christ.
I twisted to face the wall and shoved a fist in my belly.
I swallowed hard as hot bile crawled up my throat. My nostrils flared as I did my best to lock down the old parts of me and embrace the ruthless comfort of finding a place where I belonged.
I reached for it.
Begged for it.
But then Ily shocked me stupid by slipping between me and the wall and dropping to her knees. She caught my eyes before grabbing my throbbing erection and sucking it into her wet, hot mouth.
