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THE BASTARD: What is there to contemplate so intently?
ME: I’m out of office. This is part of your training for when we’re roommates. If you want to know something past seven p.m., you’ll have to look it up yourself.
THE BASTARD: Are you contemplating how to train me to do my own job?
ME: I’m also contemplating how sorry to feel for your next secretary, sir.
THE BASTARD: It breaks my heart every time you remind me that you’re leaving me.
ME: If you’d just accepted my resignation the first time I’d offered it, you’d already be on the road to recovery, sir.
THE BASTARD: You make me sound like a horrible, unreasonable boss.
ME: Not accepting someone’s resignation for an entire month is pretty unreasonable. Sir.
THE BASTARD: Stop tacking ‘sir’ on the end of your sentences as if it makes them sound nicer.
I snorted and covered my mouth with my hand, almost dropping my phone in the process.
So, hedidknow I did that.
ME: I don’t know what you mean. I’m only being polite.
THE BASTARD: Mm. If you say so.
THE BASTARD: I checked my schedule and I have a nine o’clock meeting, but it’s one I’d rather have as an email. Cancel it tomorrow and we’ll leave Friday morning and beat the weekend traffic.
ME: I’ll do it first thing. Let me know if there’s anything else you need me to arrange. Sooner rather than later please, sir.
THE BASTARD: Are you saying I’m too last-minute?
ME: It’s a polite reminder that I, too, am coming on this long trip and need to make sure I pack enough of my own belongings.
THE BASTARD: We’re going to the Lake District, not the Atacama Desert. If you forget anything, we can just buy it.
ME: I hope that by ‘we’ you mean that you’ll buy it, especially if I forget it because I’m busy running around after you.
ME: Sir.
THE BASTARD: Stop with the sir.
THE BASTARD: Are you going to call me sir when we’re living together?
ME: It would be highly inappropriate for me to refer to you by name. I could call you something else if you prefer. How about Lord Ruxleigh?
THE BASTARD: I should have accepted that resignation after all.
ME: It’s not too late. Would you like me to email you a copy right now?
THE BASTARD: I was joking. It was a joke.
THE BASTARD: Please do not email me a copy of your resignation, Chloe.
THE BASTARD: You can call me anything but Lord Ruxleigh.
THE BASTARD: You can even call me what you have me saved under on your phone.
I froze.
