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There’s no use in building bad habits.
However, today? This room is a godsend.
Atlas moans as he catches sight of the bed, flinging himself onto the mattress and burying himself into the pillows. “It’s been a fucking long time since I had one of these.” I’m not sure I was supposed to hear those words but just the thought worries me. What is he talking about? Pillows? Blankets? A bed? I approach and slip off Atlas’ shoes to make him more comfortable, watching as he relaxes and those little snores start up again.
I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself as I slip out of my jacket and roll up my sleeves a few times before sliding onto the mattress beside him. I need to hold him, to feel him up against me. Atlas mumbles some gibberish before curling into my chest, the snores vibrating through me. God, he’s so adorable. “One hour, Raphael. Class is at two.”
Nodding, I pull him tighter and kiss the motley bunch of curls on his forehead. This feels right, perfect and I hope that this isn’t the last time I get to hold him in my arms like this.
The starstruck look plastered on my face is the highlight of Karla's day. She would look like that too if she had someone like Atlas pressed against her for an entire hour. Running my fingers through his curls as my other hand wrapped around his waist wasn’t just relaxing for him. I’ve needed moments like those for months, a moment where it’s just us and we can drink the warmth from each other’s embrace.
Focusing on work becomes difficult as the anxiety of taking Atlas to the wharf tonight builds. I stuff a few more hours into my day so that by 8:30 pm, I’m nearly vibrating with anticipation. By the time I make it to the parking lot, I’m holding my breath, waiting for the inevitable text where Atlas cancels. I feel like a schoolboy right before his first prom all over again until I hear muttered curses and the sound of a shoe against rubber. I search the parking lot for the culprit, my heart dropping into my stomach when I see Atlas slapping the roof of his car and kicking the tire.
As I approach, I catch the tear-stained cheeks of my lover as he tells his car how stupid it is.
“Atlas?” He shrieks and whirls around, slapping at his cheeks to cover his sorrow. “Little One, what’s wrong?” I’m not sure whether to offer a hug or stay where I am so I just twist my hands awkwardly in front of me.
He sags against the metal, whining his next words. “Why do you always show up during my most embarrassing moments?”
“You seem to have a lot of them. What’s going on with the car?”
“It won’t start.”
“And that tow you mentioned to the guard last night?”
“I don’t have the money for that shit. I’m sorry. I just need a few more days and-” Atlas cuts himself off. “I really wanted to go to the wharf, okay? I’m not canceling but I just…”
I understand overstimulation just as well as anyone else and today has been a lot for him. On days like this, I know that I just want to be alone but I’m hoping that one day I’m the safe place he needs. For now, I’ll be the silent protector. “It’s alright, Atlas. Let me give you a lift.”
Utter shame floods his face as his cheeks turn a bright shade of red. Even in the darkness, I can see that my offer is the absolute last thing he wants. I just don’t know why. Atlas’ breathing picks up as he wars over the decision before opening the door and grabbing his bag to follow me. The moment he slips into the front seat, he snuggles up to the heaters.
How long had he been out there?
I wait for a few moments, watching as he avoids my eyes. Most people when they sit in my car for the first time, they explore, tinker, and play with all the buttons. Atlas touches none of them. His head is hung in shame and when I ask for an address, I barely catch it. I plug it into the GPS and then frown as the name pops up on my screen. A shelter?
“Atlas…”
“Just drive.”
Chapter 9
ATLAS
This is so fucking embarrassing.
I’m cold, tired, hungry, and now Raphael knows where I live. Tonight was supposed to be special. We were going to have our real first date and now I’m stuck showing Raphael a part of my life that I didn’t want to reveal. I wanted to talk to him first and maybe I should have. Weeks ago when I realized that this thing between us was more than just a game.
At least I aced my test today. One more and I’ll have an MS in zoology. However, with no prospects to look forward to, I’ll be in the same revolving door I’ve always been. Granted, I can pick up a few more hours at the café and possibly work towards renting a studio.
I glance over at Raphael several times during the drive, trying to gauge his reaction but it’s like he’s put up a wall to deal with his emotions. His fingers are tightened around the steering wheel and I can’t tell if he’s mad at me or the situation. It doesn’t help that his car exudes the same aura he does, this rich businessman feel that I tend to ignore when we’re alone. There’s no ignoring it now and it just further cements how different we are.
My attention is drawn to the shelter I spend most of my time at and I sigh at the ‘at capacity’ sign by the door. Figures. There’s been an uptick in homelessness across the city and with very few funded ventures diverted to it, there are only so many cots available. I’ve had to start going to the shelter right after classes just to ensure a spot.
I slink down in my chair, clutching at the seatbelt. “I can just sleep in my-”
“Absolutely not,” Raphael growls out.
“Right. It’s a liability to sleep in your parking lot. Maybe I can-”
