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“I know.” He looks so pleased with himself.
“What?” Now I’m confused, one minute I’m being berated and the next he’s smiling at me.
“I just had to make sure. I was almost positive you were still in love with her and tearing yourself up inside. Gillian agrees with me, but we couldn’t risk Scarlett’s happiness on being almost positive. I had to push you a little. Sorry.” The smirk on his face does not look like a man who is sorry at all. In fact, it looks like he’s enjoying all of this a little too much.
“It’s okay.”
He points to my bag that is packed and ready to go by the front door. “Going somewhere?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m staying here. I need to win my girl over once and for all.”
Later that night I show up at Scarlett’s house. I know she’s home thanks to my co-conspirator and his wife. My hand shakes a little as I knock on her door and wait for her to answer. After what feels like forever, I hear the door unlock and there she is. With the light behind her, she looks almost like an angel.
“Hi, Scarlett.”
“Hi, Knox.”
She doesn’t shut the door in my face, that’s got to mean something.
“Can I come in for a little bit? I promise to be on my best behavior.” I hold two crossed fingers up like a twisted version of a scout promise, something I did when we were young. Maybe it will break the tension.
She smiles and opens the door wider. “Of course.”
I walk in, her apartment smells like cookies. I tell her so and she laughs.
“I made some cookies earlier, but there aren’t any left, sorry. I gave them to Gillian for Archer. Didn’t want them here where I would just keep eating them.”
Her cookies should be for me. I’m pouting to myself about Archer eating her cookies when she coughs to get my attention.
“Knox, why are you here?”
I sit on the couch, and she sits across from me in the chair. A reverse of how we were sitting last night. My fingers itch to touch her skin and my lips ache to kiss her. I only hope that after this conversation we’ll doing lots of touching and kissing.
“Scarlett, I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’ve truly said that yet or not. When we were young, we both made mistakes. They were big, life changing, mistakes. We can’t pretend they didn’t happen. If they hadn’t happened would we be the people we are now? You are amazing. I’m so proud of who you’ve become. Archer came to see me today and told me how amazing you are at your job. How much he depends on you,” laughing I add, “and how he knows people who can bury people in pieces in the desert.”
I take a deep breath. This will be hard to admit. “If we had stayed together, if you hadn’t left, would you have achieved these things? I want to say yes, but we both know that’s probably not true. I wanted all your time and focus. I would have wanted you to myself.”
Tears are falling down her face, but she isn’t actually crying. “Knox, I know I’ve said it many times now and I’m only going to say it this one last time, but I’m sorry too. I think everything you’ve said is probably true. I also think it goes for you too. Would you have gone to therapy and gotten the help you needed? I’ve heard around town about your volunteer work and how much you help your family. We would have stunted each other’s emotional growth and probably resented each other and worse we would have brought children into it at some point.”
“I hate the years we lost, Scarlett, and I hate the way I’ve behaved since you’ve been back. I’ve been punishing you for something that isn’t something to be punished for. I was still acting like that irresponsible out of control kid in some ways.”
“I think we both were. Hurt of that kind is deep and isn’t something we can get passed in one date or being intimate with each other one or two times. We are going to need to rebuild the trust between us if we have a future together.”
This is the moment I’ve been dreading and wanting at the same time. “Is that something you want to do, Scarlett? Do you want to rebuild that trust and work on being us again?”
Scarlett doesn’t say anything at first and my heart begins to sink. “Knox, I do. I want that more than anything. I still love you so much.”
I move quickly and get on my knees at her feet. “I love you too, baby. So much. I want to be with you more than anything.”
“We need to be smart about this, Knox. No jumping into anything. This is too important to mess up again.”
“I know.”
And I do know.
Chapter
Twelve
