Page 43 of Heart of Gold


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“I knew you.” Those words hang. Emily’s expressions are unreadable as she looks up at me with huge eyes, close to tears. What do I say?

Emily and I stand apart, our arms folded. We’re not touching, but the air between us crackles with electricity. Emily still has a piece of me, and a child that is mine, but we’re both spoken for and there’s the whole “not telling me” issue.

Still, I want to be close to her. I want to pull her in for an embrace. But if I do, I know it will implode my entire life. My perfectly curated future incinerated.

I want it, though. I want to blow it up, but I can’t. Too many people depend on me.

“There you are. Dinner is getting cold.” We turn to see Noelle stepping across the house’s threshold, a hesitant smile on her face.

“We’ll be right in,” Emily says.

Noelle lingers in the doorframe, refusing to give us privacy. This might be the true end of us, after a slow, painful death. Emily didn’t respond to my emails. There was no “Hey, I’m pregnant, what do you think?” or “I love you, come be with me like we discussed.” Olive was kept from me. I have to remember that.

“We should go in,” Emily says, walking past me. Noelle takes me in for a kiss before I can pass the doorway, and I pull away.

When we reach the table in the dining room, Olive huffs. “Thank goodness you’re back.”

She mouths Help me to her mother, and I stifle a laugh. This child is ten times funnier than I am. Must’ve gotten it from her mom. Did Noelle try to talk to her? What does Olive think? Is she suspicious?

I’m lost in the scenarios of telling her when I feel a nudge.

“Are you okay?” Noelle asks. Her tone is ten times more accusatory than Emily’s.

“Fine. Great. Never been better.”

The rest of the meal grows exponentially in awkwardness. Burke sits quietly, but the second he put his hand on Emily’s thigh, I notice Emily flinch with a closed-mouth smile. She catches me looking at her, and she looks down at her plate.

She wasn’t with anyone back then. This man across from me must be a good guy if he’s the first guy she’s dated since me.

He better be a good guy.

I don’t want to leave; I want to linger. However, Emily mentions that Olive needs to start winding down and do her nightly routine. Emily mentioned Olive has trouble sleeping sometimes, so they do a regimented routine fit for the military.

“We’re reading the Goosebumps books together,” Olive says.

My heart swells.

“Are those scary?” Burke asks. I breathe out a sigh of relief. This guy hasn’t gotten to put my daughter to bed before me.

Emily’s eyes grab mine. “She didn’t get that from me.”

She got it from me. Horror is one of the great joys of my life. “You know, I loved those books as a kid.”

“Really?” Olive asks. “Which book is your favorite?”

“I like the one where they go to that amusement park.”

Olive’s eyes widen. Her voice comes out as a whisper. “That’s my favorite too.”

A huge grin crosses my lips.

Olive points to Emily. “Mom thinks it’s weird. She thought I would sleep worse, but I’ve been fine. Horror calms me.”

People who get it, get it.

“They’re just really scary,” Emily says.

“Mom, life is scary.”

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