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“And just because the people who are supposed to love us choose not to, it doesn’t mean we’re unloveable. We have to learn to step out of our own way and let those who want to love us love us.”
I didn’t bother wiping away the tears. There were too many for me to catch. It was all a little too honest and a little too raw for me to handle.
“Why’d you let her go?” I asked. “Instead of going after her?”
“Because I have deeply seated rejection issues, and she walked away from me. I didn’t try nearly hard enough because if she left it meant she didn’t want me. Why should I have gone after her? Like I said, I’m fucked up.”
“And now? What’s changed?”
“I’m working on me. She and I talked. A lot. She and Declan talked about it. A lot,” Cade said. “We’re a work in progress—all of us individually, but that doesn’t mean we have to do it alone. I think growth works better when you have a support network.”
“Your therapist said that, didn’t she?” I smiled a little as he nodded.
“She did. Several times. She’d be proud I remember it,” he replied with a smile that I couldn’t return.
“Yes, she would,” I assured him. We’re a work in progress. The words played on repeat in my head. I didn’t feel like a work in progress. I felt broken and falling apart more and more every day.
“Good days, bad days, and all the ones in between, Ginny, you are not unloveable,” Cade told me. I choked back a sob. Damn man. That way he looked at me—the way he looked right through me—was utterly unnerving. “It’s okay to ask for help.”
“It’s not.” I shook my head.
“It’s okay to ask for help, darling,” he repeated once more. “It’s okay to rely on other people for help. It’s okay to lean on other people and let them help you through.”
“Please, stop,” I whispered. He wouldn’t get it. He couldn’t.
“No. Not until you’ve heard me,” he said. I heard him, and I didn’t want to hear more. It was the same with Raven and Nolan and everyone else. I didn’t want to hear more. I couldn’t handle more hurt. “Take it from someone who has a hell of a lot of experience with it. Masking the pain does nothing but make that pain grow until it’s unbearable.”
God, it was already unbearable. That was why I didn’t want to face it. I wanted it to go away. I wanted to stop waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares. I wanted to live in a place that didn’t feel haunted.
I wanted the smile on my face to feel real again.
I wanted to stop pretending.
Chapter 56
Killian
Under exactly what circumstances did we think that me being a catcher for a professional pitcher was a good idea?” I demanded. Shifting my weight, I put the glove out in front of me and waited for hell to rain down on me.
“Oh, we don’t.” Declan chuckled. “This is purely for my entertainment.”
“Fuck you and your goddamn birthday,” I grumbled. My chest fucking tightened as Cade stared me down with the utmost concentration, glove and ball in hand. I was going to die. The fucker was going to kill me. Hit me right in the fucking head with a baseball. Jesus fucking Christ. Screw Declan and his goddamn birthday. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Stop being so dramatic,” he retorted.
And then that fucker threw the goddamn ball. Every snide remark I’d ever made about his stats came back on me. I didn’t see the fucking ball. I didn’t hear the fucking ball. It just hit my fucking glove and knocked my sorry ass back into the dirt. My fucking palm.
“Did you just fucking squeal?” Cade exclaimed, laughing.
“Not a fucking chance!” I snapped back. Holy hell, my hand was on fire. I ripped the glove off and shook out my hand.
“You did,” Declan said. I was about to wipe that stupid ass grin off his goddamn face. Except when I glared at him, his smile only widened. “You don’t scare me, Wilbur.”
“Oh, fuck you!” Did he break my fucking hand? I flexed my fingers.
“Language!” Mom shouted from her back door, making Declan laugh.
“Motherfucker,” I muttered.
