AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“That wild, chaos inside you,” she continued, “that doesn’t come from your dad. You get that from me.”
“I doubt that,” I scoffed.
“I was quite the force of nature when I was young. And all that’s to say, I was a mess of a human being.” I still highly doubted that. “I picked fights, I swore so bad sometimes that it’d make you look tame, I did drugs, I went on drinking binges. I even stole a tractor once.”
“Mom!” I exclaimed, laughing. God, I could only fucking imagine that getaway attempt. I couldn’t imagine Mom stealing anything but a tractor? What a fucking thing to steal. “They don’t go that fast!”
“I know that now!” she said with an exasperated chuckle. “Like I said, I was a mess. Your dad… being around him was like standing in the eye of the storm. Calm and quiet. I craved that so badly. Every time I stepped outside of his orbit, I plummeted right back into the chaos.”
That sounded all too familiar.
“What did you do?”
“It’s just energy, baby boy. As wild and unhinged as it is, it’s just energy. I had to learn to direct it, to channel it,” she explained. “For me, it was teaching and finding my place in Cedar Harbor. I like helping people. I know what it’s like to feel unwanted and unloved in this town. No one should ever feel that way, and if I can make a difference, I want to. It gave me purpose and somewhere to put that energy.”
“I guess that makes sense,” I replied.
“In your case, it’s a little more complicated than just finding direction,” Mom stated. “You have to take care of yourself more than others because you’re bipolar, but the concept is still there. You have no focus right now. A job, a hobby, a passion. Any of those will do. I know you’ve been floating in Cedar Harbor, trying to figure out where you belong. I know it hasn’t been easy. I want you to know, Killian, that you don’t have to stay. Once you feel better, you don’t have to stay.”
“Mom…”
“You can go wherever you feel happiest, baby boy.” She squeezed my arm. “It’s okay to need more than what Cedar Harbor has to offer. But if you go, do it honestly. You’ll always have a home with us, and no matter where you go, you’ll always have a place in our family. Don’t cut us all out. Please.”
Yeah, I lost the fight against crying. Stupid emotions. I scrubbed my hands over my face and pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes. Mom’s hand rubbed a gentle circle between my shoulder blades for comfort.
“You aren’t a burden, Killian,” Mom whispered. Damn it. I leaned into her as she pulled me close.
It sure as fuck didn’t feel like that, but I didn’t say the words aloud.
When Mom and David switched spots, one thing became very clear: everyone was trading off babysitting me. Not that I could blame them, but that meant the fucking puppy squad had been activated. It meant I was in for my brothers following me around for weeks to months on end until everyone deemed me okay again.
I respected the puppy squad. I understood the puppy squad. It was a concept we’d all started as kids when one of us was having a shit day. We’d stick together until they were feeling better. In theory, I liked the puppy squad until it was turned on me. Then I found it fucking annoying.
“Is this the part where you say I told you so?” I asked him gruffly.
“Despite contrary belief,” David began as he crossed his arms, “I get no enjoyment out of being right in this instance because it comes at your expense. I would’ve much rather had you proved me wrong.”
I grunted. Me too.
“Did you know that Brady and I share the lot of you as your godfathers?” I frowned as I watched him sit down next to me.
“What?”
“Yeah. I was Declan’s and Brady was yours. When Lucas came along, they asked Kieran to be his godfather,” David said. “But Seamus was Sam’s, and Kieran and Tara never decided on a godfather for Finn. After your father died, Brady and I knew you boys would need more, especially with your mother being left to take care of you and the pack. Brady decided to step up and help more with you six while I decided to help your mom as much as I could with the pack, but we both decided to tackle the godfather position together. We wanted to make sure you never felt alone.”
I nodded slowly. I believed it. After Dad died, most of my childhood memories had either David or Brady in them.
“And all that is to say, I care about you boys because you are my family. I’ve watched you struggle for a long time, Killian,” he continued. “Even as a kid, it was obvious you were having a hard time. Seamus used to ask me for advice on how to help you.”
“He did?” That was news to me.
“Your dad worried about you. He worried about all of you of course, but he could see how hard things were for you. He didn’t know how to help you.”
“Do you?”
“If you let me, yes, I can,” David said. “But you have to want it. You have to do the work. I can’t do that for you, and I won’t try. But I can promise you that if I think you’re a danger to yourself, I won’t hesitate to have you hospitalized.”
“Not surprised,” I muttered.
