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“You’re okay, baby girl,” I whispered, brushing the backs of my fingers across her cheek. “You’re safe.”
Another small sound escaped her lips, and she turned her face in my direction. Heart swelling, I moved closer to brush a kiss across her temple and tug the blankets a little closer around her. She settled, but I stayed close a few minutes more, just in case.
Her features relaxed and her breathing evened, so I eased back and went into the bathroom to take a piss. As I was washing my hands, her cry cut through the sound of the running faucet, water splashing my shirt when I jolted.
“No!” she yelled, terror coating her vocal cords. “No, please!”
The sink groaned under the force with which I shut off the tap and took off, digits dripping as I rushed toward her. “Jess!”
I scanned the room, thinking maybe someone had entered and startled her. But the space was just as I’d left it two minutes ago, dim and undisturbed.
“I didn’t see,” she wailed, thrashing around so hard the sling supporting her cast swayed and the pole holding the IV skittered into the side of the bed with a crash.
“No,” she yelled again. “No!”
I rushed forward, shoving the chair out of my way to catch the IV pole, which was wobbling with her renewed thrashing. “Jess,” I called, reaching for her. Beneath my palms, her shoulders trembled, and she fought against my touch.
Adrenaline pumped through my limbs, my body primed to fight, but I couldn’t fight a threat that was within her… at least not with physical force.
Her body bucked again, waist bowing up as she smacked her fists into my arms. I let her hit me, holding her arms just enough so I couldn’t be dislodged but conscious of the grip so she wouldn’t get hurt.
“Jessica,” I called, voice firm.
Her body stilled, and her eyes flew wide.
The look on her face made my stomach twist, and I worried that she wouldn’t recognize me again. We stared at each other for long moments, measuring each other as I looked for any flare of recognition in her gaze.
“What happened?” she asked warily. I felt her withdraw into herself, and, bro, I think I’d rather pluck my eyeballs out with a pair of rusty tweezers than have her recoil from me again.
“You had a bad dream,” I said, keeping my voice low and reassuring as I slowly withdrew my hands from her upper arms. “Just a dream.”
I straightened away from her but couldn’t force my body to step back from the bed. It physically hurt to put space between us. To hear her scream in terror and not be able to comfort her the way every atom in my body cried to do.
“Just a dream?” she echoed, eyes still latched to my face.
I nodded, stuffing my hands into my pockets because, if I didn’t contain them, I’d reach for her again. “Yeah, baby, just a dream.”
Her eyes filled, the tears shimmering in the dim light. Her lower lip wobbled, and I bit my own.
“Why are you over there?” she whimpered, one of those glistening tears breaking free to trail down her cheek.
A strangled sound burst out before any actual words. “I wasn’t sure…” I began, then faltered, unable to say the rest out loud. If you would know me. If you’re scared of me. If you would want me.
“Ben,” she whimpered again, holding up her arms. “I’m scared.”
I moved instantly, slipping my arms around her back, pulling her into my chest. She snuffled, turning her face so it was against my neck, and her hand curled around my head. Her breathing was uneven and she clutched at my shirt, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was trying to get closer.
Gently, I stroked the back of her head, making soothing noises low in my throat. “There you go,” I murmured. “You’re safe. It was just a dream. Everything’s okay now.”
“You got me,” she whispered.
My stomach flipped. “Yeah, baby girl, I got you.”
She rubbed her nose against my throat, humming as if my words soothed her.
I was pummeled. Frankly, it was a fucking miracle I was still standing on my feet. Despite my still, calm demeanor, my insides were on the spin cycle. P told everyone we were codependent on each other, but that wasn’t true. Well, okay. Maybe it was a little true. I needed her in my life. I needed her presence. But I held myself back from crossing the line. From needing everything.
With her in my arms, my control was slipping. The lines getting blurred.
