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“What’s an Uber?”
I nearly fell over. “Oh shit, you forgot that too?” Bracing my hand on the cold ground, I glanced over my shoulder.
The vision she made was an arrow through my heart. Strands of brown hair blew around her like an unruly halo, and her long legs stretched from beneath my blue hoodie, the sleeves concealing her hands.
My final girl.
“You know what? You don’t need to know about that anyway. You can’t be getting in cars with strangers. They’ll kidnap you, and then I’ll spend the rest of my life in jail with a roommate named Chex, and he’ll have a weird fascination with watching me use the toilet in our cell.”
I shuddered just thinking about it.
“That is disturbingly detailed,” she mused.
“The point is you aren’t allowed to ride in an Uber.” I gestured. “Let’s go.”
She climbed on my back, and I stood, adjusting her as I went. “Ben?”
“Mm?” I hummed on the way over to get all our stuff.
“I know what an Uber is. I was kidding.”
“Your memory is coming back,” I observed.
“Yes, little things here and there. And in some of my classes, I knew the answers to questions the professors asked.”
“That’s good,” I said, stomach clenching. I wanted her to get her memory back. Even if remembering meant I got caught in a lie. Even if it meant that first kiss might be our only.
It hadn’t exactly been what I had in mind for our first kiss, but I’d rather amputate my nut sack than give it back. It was hard to even feel guilty that I just took it like that because it was so damn satisfying.
She squealed when I bent to pick up her stuff, and I pretended I was going to dump her off my back. She clutched at me and hollered, making me laugh.
I absolutely wanted her to get her memory back… but maybe I wouldn’t mind if it took a little longer because maybe I wasn’t ready to let this go.
20
Jess
Ben wanted me to go to the pool and gym with him. I considered it. Part of me did want to go. I liked being around him. Something about him just settled me. A strange description perhaps, but I could think of no better way to describe how he made me feel.
Getting back to classes and my routine was overwhelming. Looking around at all the people and places that I should know and seeing the unfamiliar was scary. Despite having trivial things come back to me throughout the day, I was still anxious I wouldn’t remember. If I didn’t, it would be like starting over, but how would I start over when I was already in the middle of my life?
It was because of this that I wanted to stay with Ben and Matt. It was also why I didn’t.
Yep, that’s me. A walking oxymoron.
Yes, Ben and even Matt made me feel safe and not so overwhelmed. It was nice. Comfortable. The urge to cling to them was definitely there. However, I needed to remember. To do that, I had to keep to my stupid routine.
I was beginning to hate that word.
So instead of going with Ben like I wanted, I had him drop me off at my dorm. It wasn’t exactly true to my routine because, apparently, I should be at work at the music store off campus. Ben had called and told them about my accident, and they gave me a week off. He also called the people I gave piano lessons to and canceled those for the week too. Things I probably should have done for myself, but I had to admit when he did them, I was relieved.
We avoided telling my boss and students about the retrograde amnesia. In fact, I didn’t tell anyone at all except my roommate and the professors I saw today. The only reason I told them was that it was need-to-know.
It seemed too overwhelming to explain to people. The curiosity of others was a burden I didn’t want to bear. I was hoping my memory would come back quickly and it wouldn’t even matter. Even after an entire day of going to classes, basically retracing steps I’d taken all semester, it wasn’t enough to shake free the block on my mind.
So I was here. In my dorm instead of the pool, further familiarizing myself with my own room while hoping it would somehow flip the switch in my brain.
Okay, fine. I was mostly daydreaming about that kiss. Because holy hell swoon.
