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It was far less brave than the way Wes came out, but I’d done it, and I already felt a weight lift, a weight I hadn’t realized had been so heavy.
A loud clap echoed around the room, startling in the silence. I jolted, and Kruger gripped my shoulder. I looked around for the source to see Jamie right there in the front row slapping his hands together. Wes, Ryan, Rush, Lars, and Win joined him immediately. Landry dropped her clipboard to add to the noise.
Soon, everyone in Elite was clapping, and I stood there with a hard lump in my throat, ears ringing from the thunderous applause that echoed up to the ceiling. I blinked, sweeping my eyes over the entire team, not even one swimmer looked disappointed in what I’d confessed.
“That’s it,” Kruger said, right beside my ear. “That’s what total support looks like. We love you, P.”
I smiled. It felt a little droopy and kinda watery, which caused panic to clench my chest.
I couldn’t cry in front of these people. I couldn’t.
“Even if you do like pierced dick,” Kruger whispered in my ear.
I burst out laughing, the tension expanding my chest finally releasing and making it so I could breathe again.
“It’s not,” I told him, wheezing a little as the applause continued to roar.
“I know.” Ben finally conceded. “I’m proud of you, P. Really fucking proud to call you my brother.”
He hugged me from the side, his arms like vises, his cheek against the outside of my shoulder.
My breathing hitched as I glanced at the guys again, and they cheered. My stare moved to Coach who stood right beside a beaming Landry. He wasn’t clapping, but when our eyes collided, I saw approval, and he inclined his chin.
For once in my life, the overwhelming noise did not make me rage. It did not make me want to run and hide. Not even when Coach eventually tried to silence it with his stupid whistle.
20
Arsen
I couldn’t stay away from him.
Matthew had mentioned he tended to fixate on things, but while I accepted it, I didn’t quite understand. Until he started consuming my every waking thought.
Until it was me who was fixated on him.
And that was why I found myself sitting in the Elite natatorium parking lot just a few hours after I’d left.
Were cavemen also stalkers?
At least the sun was up now, even if it was slightly hidden behind the rain clouds moving in. I mean really, though, I’d woken up practically in the middle of the night and went to my dorm after dropping off Matthew, showered, changed, and managed to finish up an assignment I had due tomorrow. Even after doing all that, I still had a few hours to kill before my classes started for the day—because this DJ doesn’t take early-bird academics. This DJ keeps his a.m.’s open because of all the late-night parties required.
Naturally (not stalkerly), I came back over here. The less than thirty minutes I got with Matthew this morning just weren’t good enough. The protein bar and secondhand coffee were a poor excuse for taking care of what was mine.
I didn’t have to wait long for the double glass doors to swing open and a group of swimmers to step out. Straightening, I peered out the windshield, scanning the faces for the only one I cared about.
He wasn’t among the group, and I relaxed back into the seat. Seconds later, another cluster of guys stepped out, much more familiar than the first.
My hand dropped to the latch on the door, but I realized quickly he wasn’t with his friends. Frowning, I watched Ryan, Jamie, Wes, Lars, and Win smile and talk amongst themselves while heading toward a row of four-door Jeep Rubicons. Parked beside them were two identical blue Corvettes.
These dudes—excuse me, bros—were something else. It was like they traveled in a pack. The thought had me frowning, eyes shifting back to the doors. Where was Matthew? Did the coach really make him swim extra? Asshole.
I glanced back to the group, noting Kruger was missing, and figured he was still inside too.
Jamie caught me looking, and with his stare fixed on my windshield, his lips moved. Not even a second later, the others turned to stare.
I waved. What the hell else was I supposed to do?
Then I thought better of it and dropped my hand. I probably shouldn’t have come. Matthew wasn’t out to his friends or his team. Me repeatedly showing up would only make people ask questions. Questions he wasn’t ready to answer.
