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“She knew yours,” he muttered, face dark.
I laughed.
His upper lip curled, and he flopped back into his seat. “It’s not funny.”
“I guess it makes me happy you like me enough to be jealous.”
“I don’t want to like you!” he burst out, the words ripping from somewhere deep inside him. Somewhere that must have also housed a lot of hurt because the words were pained. His whole body seemed to move with the way he felt as he dragged in a breath and used it to release yet another glimpse of who he really was.
“I’m not like other people. I’m intense. I hate change. I like routine. It’s impossible for me to do casual. For me not to get attached. People think they can handle it, but they can’t. And by the time they realize, it’s too late for me and I’m already… obsessed. Letting people in surrenders pieces of me, and there are only so many pieces left, Arsen. I’ve already lost too many. I know we have this mad chemistry.” He went on, waving a hand in the space between us. “And it’s already…”
He stopped talking to drag in another breath. I was captivated. Completely consumed by his expressions, his movements. His words. There was so much of him in this moment. So much to take in. I wanted more, more, more.
“Already what?” I encouraged.
“Already overwhelming. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I want you to touch me. I crave it. The urge to move away when you are in my personal space isn’t there. I’ve never felt that before. With others, I’ve always kind of… endured it. Told myself I liked it.”
I growled, shooting over the middle of the seats to grab his face and stare into his eyes. “Who’s touched you? Who’s had you?”
He tried to shake his head, but I held him too tight. “I want names, princess. Names of every asshole who ever put his hands on what’s mine.”
“When you touch me, everything is just right. Like all this time, my body’s been waiting for you. Your name is really fitting, Arsen,” he whispered. “You set me on fire and make me burn.”
I went in to kiss him again, my heart pounding so fast I felt like I’d been out for a run. How the fuck was I supposed to respect his limits? How was I supposed to move at any pace that wasn’t breakneck speed?
He pulled back, denying me his lips, and my eyes narrowed.
“I can’t,” he said, slipping away. “I’m already jealous.”
“I like your jealousy, baby.”
“You have three names for me,” he said, turning his face to look out his window.
“I do?” I asked, tripping over myself to follow his train of thought.
“Mm,” he hummed. “Matthew. Princess. Baby.” He listed them. “I like the number three. Enough to make a pattern but not too much to be overwhelming.”
Something about that tugged my heartstrings, endearing him to me even more.
“My DJ name is Triple A,” I said, wanting it to be something he liked too.
He nodded like he already knew, and my heartstrings tugged even more.
“Three A’s,” he whispered, and I watched his pointer finger tap the top of his thigh three times. Then again.
I wondered if that tapping was some sort of self-soothing mechanism. But if it was, that meant something inside him needed soothed. Before I could ask, he told me.
“I hate it. It scares me,” he said, his voice suddenly small. Vulnerable. “Me being jealous is proof I’m losing the battle of not getting attached. It’s never happened so fast before. That night in jail crumbled me, and I feel like nothing but a pile of rubble at your feet. I can’t get attached.” He whispered the last part to himself. His finger moved against his leg. Tap. Tap. Tap. And then, “I can’t keep you.”
Leaving the engine running, I vaulted from the car, the outside world such an intrusion as I strode around the hood to the passenger side to rip open the door and haul ass inside.
He made a startled sound when I squeezed myself in, sliding into the seat while pulling him into my lap. The second he was there, he tried to get up, but I anchored my arm around him and shut the door.
“Settle,” I told him when he tried to get up again, and I anchored my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him into my chest.
Surprisingly, he turned to the side, drawing his knees up, and laid his cheek against my shoulder.
“We have to be somewhere.” He reminded me yet made no effort to move.
