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“Yeah, Jess calls him that,” he replied.
“It’s his first name,” I told him even though he already knew. “I transferred into his class when I was seven. It was my third school that year. My gram said if this one didn’t work, she was going to hire a tutor for homeschool.”
“Your gram?”
“Yeah. My grandma raised me. She’s the best.”
“What happened to your parents?”
The mention of those people made me withdraw my hands from the bracelets and tuck them into my chest. My foot started bouncing. One, two, three. One, two, three.
“They said I was bad.”
He’s nothing but a mistake. An abomination to my name! The voice echoed through my head, wrapping around the dull ringing and amplifying it. You need to think about what you’ve done. Bad boys get punished.
The echo of my begging fell on deaf ears. The promises to be better were never good enough. I recoiled against the sound of my rubber soles squeaking over the polished hardwood as I was dragged?—
“Matthew!”
The world that existed outside of my mind snapped back into focus, releasing me from the past. I became very aware that I was trembling, and I squinted against the abnormally bright sunlight streaming through the window. The sound of my teeth clattering annoyed me, and I scrambled for the AirPods, unable to find the one Arsen set aside.
Then it was there, the familiar shape, size, and texture of the earbud sliding into my ear. The other was pushed more firmly inside, and a hand searched my pockets.
His curse was muffled against the ringing in my ears and my overwhelmed mind, and I watched him fumble with my phone.
I watched his lips moving, knew he was talking to me. I was usually good at reading lips. I mean, I wore AirPods so much that learning to do so was practically automatic. But today, I focused on the silver rings circling his lower lip and wondered why there wasn’t a third.
One of the AirPods was ripped away, and the rush of the air against my ear canal was uncomfortable. The sound of the running engine fought against the ringing.
“Relax, relax, relax.” The word whispered right against my ear. My eyes rolled a little, and I leaned into the sound. “Relax, relax, relax.” The faint brush of his lips against my earlobe slowed my heart. “You’re a good boy. So good for me. Good boy.”
I heard myself whimper. “Good.”
“Yes. Good. Good. Good. My good boy. I’m so proud of you.”
At some point, I’d turned and was now straddling Arsen’s lap. My knees were on either side of his legs, and as the worst of the anxiety started to ebb, he wrapped his hands around my lower back and pulled my body until ours were flush. The car seat made it cramped, but I didn’t mind it because it forced us closer together.
His voice stayed in my ear, whispering words of encouragement and praise and making tingles race over my scalp as I practically hummed with pleasure. It was like being massaged without anyone using their hands. A satisfying loosening inside me, relief so good that my body went boneless.
Looping my hands around his neck, I hugged myself to him, my arms jamming themselves beneath his shoulders and forcing him out of the seat back. He adjusted without complaint, pushing his hand beneath my shirt and rubbing my back as he continued to whisper.
A lone tear dripped from the corner of my eye, soaked up instantly by the softness of his shirt. The way the cotton eagerly absorbed my sorrow pierced me like an arrow that no one else could see, an arrow he didn’t even know he fired.
How willing this man was to soak up everything. It scared me.
I pushed out of his neck, my body shaking a bit as I forced it out of hiding. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes, too afraid of what I would see, but I sat back so we were face to face.
“You did so good, baby,” he said, voice just above a whisper. “You told me a lot. I know it was hard. I’m proud of you.”
I glanced at him, then away. “You’re proud?”
“So proud.” He praised me, entire back lifting off the seat to lean in and kiss the corner of my mouth. “Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.” Every word he spoke was another brush at the corner of my lips.
I wanted to turn my head to kiss him completely and taste those sweet words on his tongue. Denying myself, I said, “I told you so you’d run away.”
“I’m proud of you for protecting yourself.”
More praise. I am melting.
