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“Yeah,” Brandon said. “So what? That doesn’t mean I don’t want to have a private word with Holden though.”
Finn sighed. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t want you wading in and…”
Brandon lifted an eyebrow. “Wading in and what?” They looked at each other. Finn didn’t speak. Brandon regarded him. “Now I know you can’t mean throwing my fists around, right? Because that’s not me, as you know. I hope you’re not comparing me to him.”
Finn felt the blood drain from his face. He pushed his chair back and took his plate to the counter.
Behind him, Brandon heaved a sigh. “Sorry.”
Finn turned around. “Why would you say that? When have I ever thought that you’re anything like Dominic?”
Brandon looked shame-faced. “I didn’t engage my brain. Forgive me.”
The tears were springing too easily to Finn’s eyes today. He hid them by reaching a bottle of wine from the fridge and two glasses from the cupboard, pouring with an unsteady hand. Then he leaned against the counter, sipping, and looking at Brandon.
“You know I didn’t mean it, right?”
Finn ignored the comment. “You don’t need to say anything to Holden. I can handle myself.”
Brandon drank some water. He watched Finn. Finn watched him back. The air was thick with tension and regret. Finn bit his lip. His voice was barely audible when he spoke. “Maybe I’ll do it.”
“What?”
“Maybe I’ll speak to Holden. About writing a book. To help others.”
Brandon swallowed. He looked anguished. “Are you sure?”
Finn gave a little laugh. “No.”
Brandon bit his lip. He pushed his chair back a little, then held out his hand. Finn walked across the kitchen, sat on Brandon’s lap, and put his arms around his neck. Brandon pulled him close. He held Finn tight, face buried against his shoulder. “Whatever you want, my love,” he said, voice muffled. “I’ll support you in everything you do. Always.”
Finn tightened his arms, squeezing Brandon. Without Dominic, and the abuse, and running for his life, he never would have ended up here in Clear Water Creek, with Brandon. It was perverse to think that way but didn’t he owe the murderous abusing son of a bitch a debt of gratitude? He smothered an inappropriate giggle and realized that if he could now laugh about what Dominic had done to him, he really was much further down the road to healing than he had thought. He stroked Brandon’s dark, silky hair and mouthed his neck, feeling his partner shiver.
“Take me to bed.”
Brandon responded by lifting Finn in his arms as he stood. Wrapping his legs around him, Finn held on tight as Brandon carried him from the kitchen and began to mount the stairs. Brandon kissed him as he carried him through to their bedroom and laid him down on the bed. Finn pulled him close and their mouths clung, tongues entwined, bodies pressing together. The night was still light and warm and through the open window, Finn could hear the soundtrack of cicadas. Brandon undressed him. He slid down Finn’s body, kissing all the way before he licked around the rim of his cockhead, making Finn arch in pleasure. Even now he was awkward at being naked with Brandon, with his many scars and deformities, his body so thin and pale compared to Brandon’s.
Looking up through his lashes as he tongued Finn’s slit, Brandon seemed to read all the thoughts in his mind. He’d kissed the scald on Finn’s arm and chest a thousand times. He’d run his fingers and his mouth over the scar on his left ankle where Dominic had broken his leg, the scars on his back where Dominic had taken a metal-studded belt to him. He knew every inch of Finn’s body and he worshipped it all. Still, Finn wished he was more. More man, less fear, less scars, less memories.
Brandon pressed a scar to Finn’s inner thigh with a sigh. “You drifted away.”
“Sorry.”
“No apology necessary.” Brandon stroked his hip. “Want to stop?”
“No. I want you.”
Brandon regarded him for the longest time. “When are you going to stop being worried about your body?”
Finn bit his lip and itched to drag the covers over his nakedness.
Brandon lowered his head and kissed Finn’s thigh, the base of his cock, and his neat thatch of pubic hair. “When are you going to realize how much I love and want you and how your body drives me crazy, despite what you think about it?”
Tears started to leak down Finn’s face before he could control them. Brandon slid up his body to cradle Finn’s head and hold him close. No matter that he’d had a laugh at Dominic downstairs, it always came back to this for Finn. The anxiety of being undressed by Brandon, those horrific injuries being viewed, and the cycle of memories once again awakened.
It would never end.
Chapter Ten
