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The sun was at its zenith in the sky, reflecting in a dazzling glow from the still surface of the lake. “Let’s sit down here.” Holden tugged Tyler’s hand and they crouched beneath the low hanging branches of a weeping willow, secluded and shady.
Tyler glanced at Holden’s house on one side of the water and Brandon’s on the other. He’d literally stuck a pin in a map when he’d chosen this place, and found a realtor’s online. Looking out now over the tranquil surface of the lake and at the handsome man beside him, he felt a little of the torment and pressure in his chest ease. Maybe coming to Clear Water Creek hadn’t been so bad after all.
“You’re a compassionate man, Holden,” he said. “You’re principled and you stand up for what’s right. I admire you. I admire you a lot. And don’t ever tell yourself that your addiction and the way it makes you behave makes you less of a man or a bad person. Far from it.”
Holden gave a small smile with his cheeks reddening. He touched his fingers to the back of Tyler’s hand. “Right back at you,” he said softly. “I like you and admire you more than you’ll ever know.”
Tyler’s gaze dropped to Holden’s pale pink lips then moved back to his dark eyes before he leaned forward and kissed him.
Holden touched him on the cheek. He slid his hand to the back of Tyler’s head and returned the kiss, slow and long and tender. Tyler’s toes curled. Warmth fizzed down his spine and coiled into his stomach. They touched tongues and Tyler’s original purpose became muddy beneath a veil of lust. He eased his palms up Holden’s shirt, tracing the curves of his back, reveling in the satin soft feel of his skin. Holden let out a little murmur against his lips. His spine arched under Tyler’s touch and his breathing quickened.
Tyler helped Holden straddle his lap. He pulled him close, arms tight around him, hands savoring every inch of skin before grasping Holden’s ass to pull him forward and feel his hardness pressing against his belly. Holden let out a shuddering gasp. He eased back an inch from Tyler’s lips. “I’m already in hot water with the sheriff for public indecency,” he said. “Much as I’d love to fuck you here, he’ll lock me up this time if he catches me doing this on his doorstep. Plus, you’re supposed to be telling me about your leg.”
Tyler smiled ruefully. He gave Holden’s ass a last stroke. “I’m sorry for being inappropriate.”
“Never apologize for being inappropriate.”
They both laughed. “Can I get a raincheck?”
Holden brushed his lips over Tyler’s. “You most definitely can.”
“Is this the first time you’ve ever turned sex down in your life?”
Holden laughed. “Yeah. I can’t believe it.” He slid off Tyler’s lap.
They sat side by side holding hands and looking across the lake while Tyler figured out how to start, knowing the memories and emotions were about to bury him under an avalanche.
“It was in J-bad. Jalalabad. We were in a market square. I had a sort of friend, Ronnie. He was with me that day. He and I got on well. He was more cerebral than the others. I was thinking about sounding him out that night. Maybe even telling him about me. I thought he might be gay but I wasn’t sure. He didn’t have a girlfriend and he didn’t talk about girls at all, the way the other guys did. Even if he wasn’t, I got the feeling he might react okay. We were patrolling. It was a car bomb, of course. We never knew what hit us. When I came to, I was lying on the ground choking on the smoke and deaf from the explosion. I tried to move and couldn’t. One of the guys, he grabbed me, dragged me over to sit against the side of a truck. He started rooting in my pack. He pushed an antibiotic in my mouth and made me swallow it dry. Then he stuck a syringe of morphine into my thigh. I couldn’t work out why until I checked out both legs and saw the left one was mangled. My foot was flipping about and not looking quite right, like it was barely attached. He tightened a tourniquet above my knee, then he got on the radio.”
Tyler took a breath. The memories came thick and fast. He’d spent so long trying to repress them that it crucified him to bring them voluntarily to the surface. He squeezed his eyes shut. His voice shook when he spoke again.
“I saw Ronnie then lying in the dirt. He was in two pieces. Cut in half.”
Holden was completely silent. Tyler smelled the smoke and the blood. He could hear the screaming of the wounded and the cry of the innocent civilians caught up in the terror. He breathed hard, panic rising, and felt Holden squeeze his hand. “Slow your breathing. Follow me.”
Tyler turned his gaze. He watched Holden’s face, then his chest, copying his inspiration, holding it and letting it out slowly.
“That’s right,” Holden said. “You’re doing good. Really good.”
“They took me by helicopter. I ended up at Ramstein in Germany for weeks. They amputated on the first day. When I woke up, I could still feel my foot. It was agony. I only knew it was gone when I pulled the covers back and saw for myself. I couldn’t understand the pain.” He laughed weakly. “I still can’t.”
Tears shone in Holden’s eyes. He held Tyler’s hand tightly.
“My dad didn’t come. I guess it was more important to him that he continued to show his disdain for my choice of sexual partners. I wanted my mom. I needed her more than I ever had before in my life and she was gone. I lay there crying day after day wishing she was still alive.”
“I’m sorry,” Holden said in a whisper and he started to cry. “I’m so sorry.”
Tyler dropped his head into Holden’s lap and wept.
They walked towards the diner in silent agreement, both of them thirsty and hungry. They kept their hands entwined until they got there, then Tyler let go once he’d pushed the door open and held it for Holden to follow him. The inside was cool and air-conditioned and fragrant with coffee and apple pie. Tyler’s stomach growled. He led Holden to the counter and they both took a seat. He saw Holden’s hesitant face when Finn came out from the back, and he squeezed his knee gently to reassure him. Holden glanced at him, then looked at Finn when he approached the counter. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “You should be at home with Brandon.”
Finn shook his head. He was pale, his eyes red. “I had a shift.”
“Finn,” Holden said, reaching across the counter to lay his hand on top of Finn’s. “I’m sorry.”
Finn glanced at Holden. His lip trembled and he bit it. “You don’t need to be.”
“But I am. I brought a whole heap of trouble to your door.”
