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His eyes meet mine and he nods slowly. “Yeah. So much, babe.”
My chest sinks and my gut twists. “What does it feel like for you?” I smooth my hand across his and he lets it remain only momentarily before he pulls away like he always does, so reluctant to accept any sort of affection.
“Like I’ve read every novel there is for each person I meet. Like I’ve experienced each death and beginning over and over, small differences, but ultimately the same story.” His eyes flick up to mine and falter as confusion pulls my lips into a forlorn frown. “I’ve watched you die so many times already. It’s been a matter of hours here in the real world, but in my head, I’ve been gone for so long. Things are getting mixed up.” He presses his hands to his head and looks off distantly as if he’s seeing another vision as we speak.
I want to help. More than anything, I want this to stop for him.
Amser hears my plea and responds, There’s no helping him. Destiny has always been confused and melancholic, only ever able to focus on the ending of each story rather than the middle.
“I’m sorry,” I say. I’m not sure there’s much else that can be said.
“It’s fine. It’s better than thinking of my own fate, I suppose.” He chuckles sadly before straightening his back and trying to give me his best grin, even though it’s broken and crooked. “But I’ll remain by your side until the end.” He can't keep his voice from cracking. Before I can say anything or comfort him, he stands and presses a kiss to my forehead. He leaves the common room, walking up the stairs.
And for the first time since Finn left me in Navasik, I feel completely and utterly alone.
I wait a few minutes before I make my way up to my room. It’s right next to Raine’s but seems so far away. For the last four weeks, I haven’t slept alone—or been alone, for that matter. If my Shadow counts, I guess I’ll never really be alone again, but Amser doesn’t feel like a person or something comforting. It’s like a tumor that speaks once in a while, only really sparking to life when I’m near men of interest to it.
My door closes soundlessly behind me as I press my back against it and slide down until I’m sitting on the floor. My eyes wander to the pile of bloody clothes on the floor of the bathroom. I’m sure someone will be stopping by to collect it eventually.
My room is like a dome of the universe, circular, with black panes that make the walls appear to be windows. Almost like an ebony greenhouse. The paintings on the ceiling are of purple and blue aurora lights with stars twinkling in the distance. It looks so real. As I stare at it, I swear I see the lights moving and deduce that it’s not a normal painting.
I lower my gaze to the furniture. There’s a quaint study corner made up of an old oak desk, a chair, and ancient books stacked in piles of fifteen to twenty tomes. A lamp hangs from the ceiling above the desk, casting a warm ambient light. A white rug in the shape of a crescent moon lies in the center of the room, matching the enormous bed adorned in white blankets that tumble over the edge. It faces the only window in my room, an arched lancet one with beautiful stonework framing it and a reading nook at its base.
My new prison is a beautiful one, but all I can ponder is how lonely I’ll be here.
I’m nose-deep in one of the books on my desk. It’s academic, filled with Shadow definitions and techniques for users to learn in order to harness certain powers. I’m quite enjoying learning about the Shadows. It’s the first time I’ve had a chance to read on my own and get a sense of them without someone else telling me.
A sharp knock comes at my door.
I turn as Arthur steps in, well-mannered and completely impassive. But I don’t miss the glint of adoration in his eyes for me, the look of a wanting man, though he hides it well. I find that I like his restraint, but I also wonder how far it will stretch.
His eyes trail down to the book in my hands and he smiles faintly. “Studying already I see,” he mutters politely, hands placed behind his back to keep his posture straight.
I shrug. “There’s nothing else to do.”
His head tilts and he looks around the room. “Where is Raine?”
“I think he’s resting—his Shadow weighs heavier on his mind than most I think.” I pin Arthur with a distrustful stare. I know Raine’s predicament isn’t his fault, but I can be angry with him for Edgar’s memories. If they were truly so heinous, why couldn’t he just not return them?
Arthur doesn’t even flinch. “Yes, it seems that way, but don’t fret. Raine has a strong mind. He’ll be fine.”
I glower and fold my arms over my chest. “Remind me how you know me?”
He grins and gestures toward my bed. “May I sit?”
I nod and watch him as he walks over and sits gracefully at the edge of the white sheets. He’s easily the same height as Elias, but his sharp cheeks and dark hair make him appear more foreboding. A sort of handsome that piques your interest and makes you desperate to touch the planes of his skin, to feel the muscles and bones that hide beneath all that beauty.
“It was a long time ago. We were young. I’m not surprised you don’t remember me. I’m not much for the memory,” he says playfully. I scrunch my brows to let him know I’m not impressed with the pun and he laughs; it’s lovely and deep, tugging all the right places inside my chest, making me wonder if I do in some way remember him. “I’m afraid I wasn’t very kind either, so do forgive me. But enough about the past, tell me about you. Do you like your room?”
I let him change the subject. He’s guarded about the past.
“It’s nice… Do I have to sleep alone though? There aren’t rules against that, are there?” I ask meekly.
Arthur seems to find enjoyment in that. His smile grows. “You may sleep wherever you wish,” he murmurs and raises his hand for me as he stands. “Come now, the first-semester banquet starts soon. The Nova House is to enter last, with grandeur.”
“Really?” I scowl incredulously at him.
“Really,” he echoes as he leaves the room.
